Get Your Kink On and Try Not to Kill People

The sun is shining bright out my window this morning. The forecast is for a balmy, crack sweat producing 94°. This mini heat wave is only supposed to last through Monday or Tuesday, but it is June in the south.

Let the games begin.

The Amazon is in the shower getting ready for work. I was looking forward to a little "me" time to work on my shop this morning while she peddled gas to the townsfolk (not a popular place to be at the moment, as I'm sure you can imagine.) My plans were crunched by the unexpected arrival of my trashy-big-boobed cousin with the lazy eye's youngin. She's in like.. third or fourth grade I think. Ma worships the ground she walks on, to her the child does no wrong. Little Lazy Eye's favorite pass time is to sit on Ma's bed and squeal like a piglet in a rat trap, driving Yoda, the midget dog, in to hysterics, running from one end of the house to the other, yapping in that high pitched way that only a Chihuahuaranian can do.

Needless to say, this puts me in SUCH a peachy freakin' keen mood, especially first thing Saturday morning, that after several minutes of trying really hard not to be the weirdo, bitchy spinster cousin, I snap and scream through the house (at the dog.. bless it) to shut up, resulting in the voices coming from Ma's room having dropped to nervous whispers.

Before the day is over, Ma will come stomping in to the living room, making comments under her breath about my "anger issues" which, by the way, just pisses me off.

Between the serious lack of forking in my family tree and living with Little Miss Crazypants back there, that I'm not a psychopathic serial killer is, in itself a miracle.

Can you tell I'm just a WEE bit cranky?


Did ya'll see where Ferguson was showing panda porn on The Late Late Show last night? I think he's got some kinda weird bear fetish. I mean.. a while back he had tape of him dry humping a grizzly in an elevator, now he's got panda porn.

Kinky little chit, ain't he?


Okay, this could go like.. horribly downhill from here so I'm going to go get more coffee, walk by the sink full of dirty dishes and growl at them a few more times, then eventually wash them.

Ya'll have a great weekend!

Later Taters.


kenju said...

The heat is making me just as cranky as you. It is bound for 100 here today, and I'm heating up the kitchen making macaroni and cheese! What's wrong with me?????

Good post, Mahala. You should take it on the road!

Tori Lennox said...

Panda porn, huh? That's not something you see every day. *g*

Jeni said...

Mandy, the two little ones and I spent about three hours out in the heat and sun today at a "Children's Fair" down in Bellefonte. Boy, sweat rolling from everywhere. I should have lost at least two pounds today from all the sweat pouring off me and that was just off my forehead!
Hot, Hot, HOt and this is just the darned beginning.

Dianne said...

I'm heat irritable too! LOL

The asphalt driveway is melting and I swear it smells and my son says I'm crazy and I say - well yes I am but does that have to do with our smelly driveway!?

If you wanna go on a killing spree I'll be right there!

Travel said...

Apparently panda porn does not do much to put panda's in the mood. It has been tried as a way of trying to encourage mating.


Joy T. said...

I just happened to be reading the paper today...oh we get it delivered but I never seem to have time to read the damn thing...and I noticed Craig Ferguson will be here in Edmonton June 15th. A person might have to see if they can get tickets :o)

And seriously!! "Between the serious lack of forking in my family tree" just about had me rolling on the floor LOL!

Aarin said...

it was 98 here in greensboro at 1pm when i had to take the puglet to the vet. im waiting for my friend to move to alaska then im going to beg to sleep on his floor.

see you growl at dishes then do them. i just keep growling till they growl back. then i wash them

poopie said...

Blame it on the heat. That's what I do..