Chrissy the Ninja

You could call it a leap of faith that everything's going to work out, stupidity or just the divalicious side of Mahala, but I took advantage of my half day off from the asylum Friday and visited the nail salon.

It's my one self-indulgence, my one unjustifiable expense and a small price to pay to feel just a little pampered and a bit less like spam sucking trailer trash.

That's my story anyway.

There was a new nail tech working at the little shop in the Big City 'burbs. She was stereotypically petite, as are most of the other employees, but "Chrissy" was stacked like a brick shithouse and apparently really, really proud of her bodacious tattas to the point of displaying them like over sized muffins exploding from the top hem of her tiny, pink blouse.

I think tattas are a beautiful thing, but I don't really like looking at anyone elses.

I was a little afraid as she took my hand, the Dremel tool ripping into my nails, forming a cloud of acrylic dust, before her ass even hit the stool. I gagged a little, but Chrissy was unaffected, her face protected by her little pink face mask, tricked out with sparkly bling and glitter stars.

Chrissy was just a tad too precious.

Normally, when I'm getting a nail fill, I try to look away, watching CNN on the giant flat screen or watching little old ladies getting a pedicure, imagining what kind of house they live in, if they're happy.. anything to occupy my mind. If I watch, I tend to tense up, making it more difficult for the nail tech.

You don't want to make things difficult for the nail tech.

There's nothing quite like an angry Vietnamese tongue lashing to strike fear in the heart of a trailer dwelling yokel like myself.

But Chrissy moved so fast, switching from Dremel tool to cuticle ripping sand paper emery board to airbrush with lightening speed, striking fear in my heart. She was like a feckin' Nail Tech Ninja.

At one point, I tensed up, putting one finger in the way of the other and she snapped. "YOU MUST REWAX FINGER!! YOU WAN ME DO CROOKED??????"

I needed a wine cooler to calm my nerves when I finally got out of there. But my nails? Look awesome.

I hope ya'll are enjoying your weekend.

Later Taters!