Chrissy the Ninja

You could call it a leap of faith that everything's going to work out, stupidity or just the divalicious side of Mahala, but I took advantage of my half day off from the asylum Friday and visited the nail salon.

It's my one self-indulgence, my one unjustifiable expense and a small price to pay to feel just a little pampered and a bit less like spam sucking trailer trash.

That's my story anyway.

There was a new nail tech working at the little shop in the Big City 'burbs. She was stereotypically petite, as are most of the other employees, but "Chrissy" was stacked like a brick shithouse and apparently really, really proud of her bodacious tattas to the point of displaying them like over sized muffins exploding from the top hem of her tiny, pink blouse.

I think tattas are a beautiful thing, but I don't really like looking at anyone elses.

I was a little afraid as she took my hand, the Dremel tool ripping into my nails, forming a cloud of acrylic dust, before her ass even hit the stool. I gagged a little, but Chrissy was unaffected, her face protected by her little pink face mask, tricked out with sparkly bling and glitter stars.

Chrissy was just a tad too precious.

Normally, when I'm getting a nail fill, I try to look away, watching CNN on the giant flat screen or watching little old ladies getting a pedicure, imagining what kind of house they live in, if they're happy.. anything to occupy my mind. If I watch, I tend to tense up, making it more difficult for the nail tech.

You don't want to make things difficult for the nail tech.

There's nothing quite like an angry Vietnamese tongue lashing to strike fear in the heart of a trailer dwelling yokel like myself.

But Chrissy moved so fast, switching from Dremel tool to cuticle ripping sand paper emery board to airbrush with lightening speed, striking fear in my heart. She was like a feckin' Nail Tech Ninja.

At one point, I tensed up, putting one finger in the way of the other and she snapped. "YOU MUST REWAX FINGER!! YOU WAN ME DO CROOKED??????"

I needed a wine cooler to calm my nerves when I finally got out of there. But my nails? Look awesome.

I hope ya'll are enjoying your weekend.

Later Taters!


BetteJo said...

Nail tech ninja? Lol! I've never had my nails done, acrylic or otherwise. My daughter is trying to get me to - this week. Not sure why I resist.

Travel said...

You nailed the accent! So funny. There is now a nail and massage salon in the airport in Charlotte. I was tempted, very tempted to stop and have a pedicure, I hate tending my toenails.


Anonymous said...

I guess sometimes you have to pay a price for beauty. I'm glad you walked away with all your fingers still attached. It sounded a little iffy there for a while.

Rachel said...


Mahala said...

Go for it BetteJo.. but be forewarned, it's not for the faint of heart lol.

DG: I haven't gotten the nerve up to have a pedicure yet. It looks relaxing, but I'm chicken. The scary tech tried like hell to get me to let her wax my eyebrows.


Mahala said...

They do a good job for the most part terri... I'm just a scaredy pants.

Frank said...

My wife is now retired from K-mart and Walmart.We don't live in a trailer but she considers having her nails done to be an indulgence she will not do without. Anyhow, she said you should stop using the Asian shop and let a non-Asian do your nails. They don't use any power tools and remove less of your real nail. The Acrylic layer is thinner and your real nail is thicker. Best of all, your nails look better not to mention the lowered risk of infection.

Bulldog said...

It's a little known fact that Chrissy is a very common name in Vietnam . . . or is it the San Fernando Valley? I forget . . .

Mahala said...

So is "Danny" apparently :o)

tiff said...


Pedicures rawk the hizz. Seriously, someone massages your feets and buffs 'em up and pampers the schnot out of you, THEN paints your toenails!

It's my one real indulgence, when I think of it. AAMOF, it's been for too long for me, and I've got a Thing-free weekend coming up. Asian ladies, here I come!

kwr221 said...

We need pics of the stunning nails, please. :-)

I made the mistake of getting a full set last month and I've been regretting it ever since. :-( I never really intended to keep them up and my real nails were so thin afterwards that they just peeled away and are really yucky. They're still growing out and are shorter than short.

Sorry, you didn't really need my nail drama. Serves me right to do nails and then not keep them up. But I LOVE my pedicures. :-)

Mahala said...

Aww.. acrylics are NOT good for your natural nails. I get them because my real nails are all warped up and cockeyed and are going to look like poo regardless.

I wish I could get up the nerve for a pedicure. I just don't know if I can stand someone messing with my toesies.