I Am Woman

Hey ya'll.

I made it back from Greensboro in one piece. I won't go in to an explanation of the whys and WTFs of my having to drive all the way to G'Town and back, if I did it would only lead to an unpleasant rant fest and there could be no positive outcome.

Suffice it to say that I can guaran-gawd-damn-tee it most certainly will not happen again. The days of jerkin' good old Mom around like a pitt bull on a short leash have come to a screeching halt.

Amen, hallelujah and sing it again sistah.

Moving on.. but only sorta..

Jolene has now had her first official road trip. I had filled her up with gas in Scary Hillbilly Town on Saturday, drove the forty minutes home then the four hours to G'boro and still had a half tank of gas to spare. I know she's probably got a ginormous tank, but still.. that's not bad at all.

The ride itself was pretty smooth, I mean.. she is a big azz truck.. but other than those stretches of highway where the black top was worn away down to the asphalt, it was smooth sailing.

Have ya'll ever been handling a fast food container, when suddenly and without warning, your hand goes off on some spastic journey of it's own, resulting in a spray of Taco Bell guts from your bodacious tattas to your naked little toes?

How about while piloting a Silverado down I-40 at 75 m.p.h. ?

I swear, other than a tiny spot on her steering wheel, I didn't get a drop on the truck. Mahala however, looked like the victim of nacho, cheese and bean tornado.

Nachos.. not roadtrip friendly, when you're the driver. Just for ya'll's future reference.

In other news...

I almost forgot to tell ya'll! I FIXED MY FRICKEN DVR!!!! All it took was a $10 cleaning kit from the drug store. Twenty seconds. Fixed. I feel like such a doofenhiney.

Now I can once again begin my days with the ass wiggling glory that is Craig Ferguson.

Life is good.

I'm going to go dust, run the vacuum and load the dishwasher and then, nothing for the remainder.

Because I'm tired. I'm tired because I work a forty hour work week and when I'm not doing that, I'm trying to run an internet business. I'm tired because I try to keep house behind three adults, two dogs, a cat and a bird. I'm tired because I shovel dog crap out back on weekends. I'm not, however, tired because I choose to act irresponsibly and I do honor my word.

Hear me rawr.

Later Taters.


kenju said...

Since I have never had bodacious tatas, I can't have the same experience you had - more's the pity!
I wish you had taken a photo of all that Mexican food you spilled on yourself - might start a new trend. LOL. Glad you made it home safely.

Mahala said...

Oh Lordie.. the really bad part was that I did it right after leaving G'boro to come home. I had crusty bean guts all over me and I smelled... interesting.

Jeni said...

Well, as my ex-husband would say about an unplanned trip (this is now, but when we were married he wasn't near this friendly about things like this), "At least, we had an 'outing.'" Yeah, he's all laid back now about unexpected road trips.
Aside from the Taco Bell food spillage, sounds like you did have an good time checking out Joelene's capabilities. And, great use of the song "I Am Woman!" Always loved that song -I used to sing it to my son as a lullabye when he was little. My theory there was just because I was married to a male chauvinist piglet didn't mean I had to raise one too.

Anonymous said...

You are a brave woman to attempt a meal of taco bell while driving!

Honeysuckle Rose said...

Glad you're back safe, even if encrusted with bean goo.

Joy T. said...

MMMmmm taco bell. I haven't been there in probably two years. Ten bucks says I'll go within the week now. And I have you to thank for it :o) I, however, will not spill any down the front of me. Oh no not me. My luck says it will land all over the truck and miss me completely.