The Best Laid Plans Usually Aren't

I really should learn to stop trying to make plans. I know this.. somewhere deep in the cobwebbed wrinkles of my brain, but for some reason I still attempt to make plans for myself on the weekends.

When I came home Friday, I discovered that Ma had decided that we needed to replace the whole hot water heater. Admittedly, the one we had, we'd gotten out of the donations at the work center Ma and Aunt Moses used to run. There was no telling how old it actually was, it only held about 30 gallons and there was no cut off for the water. Since she was buying, I agreed to drive to Scary Hillbilly Town after work to buy a new one. Nails and hair could wait one more day. It's not like I was going to see anyone I needed to impress.

As the two very young, male, Lowes employees loaded the big box in the back of the truck, I asked if we couldn't lay it on it's side. The cockier of the two pointed out that it plainly stated right there on the box that the tank shouldn't lay on it's side, nor be dropped, banged or otherwise roughly handled. The less cocky, pimply faced of the two secured my cargo with a piece of twine so thin, I debated saving it to use as dental floss later.

About halfway home, before we'd even crossed the state line back in to North Carolina, we heard a loud "bump." I checked my mirror and announced, "Well, we don't have to worry about it tipping over anymore."

The Amazon was horrified. "Oh my gawd!! You broke TWO of the RULES. DO NOT DROP, DO NOT LAY ON IT'S SIDE!!"

I just kinda laughed and told her it would be fine. I didn't know if it would be or not, but there was no sense worrying myself silly about it.

It felt like I was never going to get home. I hate running around after work, by the time I do make it to the house, I wanna collapse. There's just so much damn driving involved to do anything around here. When we finally pulled up in the drive, we decided to park the truck next to the porch, to make it easier to get the water heater unloaded, which, unlike most of our grand plans, went rather well.

Surprise.

I don't remember much after that, I fell asleep on the couch, waking up in time to catch most of Craig Ferguson. My DVR is still not recording. I watch the monologues online at work, but Fridays are the only time I have a sliver of a chance to see the rest. If I miss anything really juicy, I'm depending on ya'll to tell me.

My plan was to get up early on Saturday, get everything out of my closet and get myself situated for whoever Ma was calling to install the hot water heater. Instead, Ma had already called someone, a single, attractive man, who showed up at the butt crack of dawn.

Keep in mind, I'd not had a hot shower in several days. I'd had a minimal amount of sleep.

It wasn't pretty.

The house was a nasty mess. I was so embarrassed I wanted to cry. I think I actually did once or twice, before giving myself a mental ass kicking, telling myself to suck it up and get with the program.

By mid morning we had a new 50 gallon water heater installed, complete with up to code plumbing and a cut off valve, should this ever happen again.

I waited for the Amazon to get home from work before heading out to try, once again, to get my hair cut. I thought she might like to go with me. When she came home she said hello, then announced she was taking a nap.

A nap sure sounded like a great idea. But instead, I took the first hot shower I'd had in days (and damn did it feel nice) then headed out to the nail salon, about 45 minutes from here. They were seriously busy, I had to wait forever. By the time I got out of there, the hair place was closed.

I ended up driving around Big City for a couple of hours, stopping at every office supply place, trying to find a deal on RAM for my computer. I ended up at the Super Insanely Ginormous Wal-Mart, which doesn't carry RAM, in case ya'll ever need to know and ended up with a cake, some roses for Ma and some Cokes. All things I could have bought at the grocery store without spending a small fortune on gas and aggravation. Maybe I just needed to be out of the holler on Saturday night, maybe I needed to spend some time alone.

I dunno.

The better part of today has been spent putting my room back together. I'm hauling out a bunch of old clothes to the dump and I gathered up a trash bag full of junk that needed to be tossed. I found some mold from when the first hot water tank busted, about five years after we bought the trailer. I wiped it off best I could then Lysoled the hell out of it. Now my bedroom wreaks of antibacterial spray.

Ooooo sexah sexah!

I ordered the RAM online from Wal-Mart, for half the price in any of the stores. It pays to shop around.

I'm almost looking forward to going to the Asylum tomorrow. Bossman is out until Thursday, I've got an inbox full of things to work on and that's just how I like it. I can sit with my little earbuds in, listen to the radio and be in my own little world. After a weekend like this, a pile of paperwork in front of me and some late 80's headbanging tunes in my ears is just what the doctor ordered.

I hope ya'll had a nice Mother's Day. We're going to have a good week, just wait and see.

Later Taters!