Kitchen Jogging, Magic Johnson and the ATF

Lawsy ya'll. I had a rough night last night. I'm plumb tuckered this morning.

I woke up around 3 a.m., out of a deep sleep, for no apparent reason. I tossed and turned and flipped and flopped, finally settling down and getting comfy, almost drifting back to sleep, when Sammy started scratching. He sits in the hallway just outside my bedroom door and scratches, snarfs and chews all over himself. It drives me stark raving mad. I yelled at him, looked for something harmless to throw and tried to coax him back to the foot of the bed.

Nothing worked.

When I'd reached my limit, I got up headed for the hall. The plan was to drag him back in to my room, until I remembered that he lost his collar about a week ago.

Ever try to catch a collarless dog at 3 a.m.?

He bolted for the kitchen, then tormented me by running around the kitchen table, alternately changing directions and making me downright dizzy. I started pulling some of the defensive moves I learned while playing forward for my junior high basketball team (Brewbaker Academy.. Go Rebels!) Sammy was acting so weird. Then I noticed.. he looked sort of.. afraid.

Did I forget to mention that I sleep in the buff? Like.. butt nekkid?

That's right, I was chasing my poor Boston Baked Beagle around the kitchen table, at 3 a.m., doing my best Magic Johnson impression, nekkid as a jaybird.

No wonder he was askeered!

He finally ran to the back door, offering to go outside. When Yoda heard the door open, he appeared magically at my feet. Yoda suffers from a severe case of "me too" syndrome. So out they went and I meandered over to the computer to check my stats. I had to wait for them to come back in anyway. The Chihuahuaranian took a sudden barking fit and since it was, after all, the middle of the night, I had to get him to come back in. So there I stood at the back door, in my birthday suit, whispering loudly for him to get his furry little ass back inside, praying to the Lord Almighty that none of the neighbors were out milling around.

I eventually made it back to bed, with Sammy at my heels. Just as I started to doze off, the Amazon's alarm went off.

Great. Just great.

It was probably around 4:30 when I finally drifted back to sleep. I get up between 6:30 and 7:00, depending on how many times I hit the snooze button. Those two hours were just long enough for me to have the weirdest dream I've had in a very long time.

We were living in a big, old house like the one that my granny and her mother before her lived in, where our trailer now sits. There's a knock at the door. It's the ATF.

It's a raid.

There were like 30 gun wielding mother effers in blue windbreakers and ball caps running through the house, ripping things apart, confiscating computers.. it was nuts! I was trying to call work to tell them I couldn't come in because.. well.. we were being raided, but my cell phone wouldn't work. Somehow, Lulu ended up there, bringing me a giant roasted chicken sandwich from Boston Market. (We do not have a Boston Market anywhere near here. I have never been in a Boston Market. I have no idea why in the name of all that's holy I'd dream about Lulu bringing food from Boston Market.)

I'm tired ya'll.

Is it 5 o'clock yet?


Tori Lennox said...

*hugs* on the lack of sleep. I feel your pain. But I'm ROFL over your dream!!! The subconscious works in mysterious and strange ways, doesn't i? *g*

Dianne said...

I hope you get some sleep tonight.

I can't help but think that right now, in a parallel universe, somebody is blogging about a nekkid woman chasing her dog around a kitchen at 3 AM and then standing in her open door - still nekkid.

Bless her heart is how he ends his post.

terri said...

Do you ever wonder... if the dogs could talk, what might they say about us?

Mahala said...

I'm just thankful they don't have the ability to blog. They'd tell all my secrets.

Rachel said...

Boston Market ROCKS! I dream about their meatloaf...ummmm

Bah said...

Remind me never to make a surprise visit to you in the Holler. My virgin eyes can't take all that nekkedness.


gemmak said...

I don't think I have laughed so much in ages as I did imagining you nekkid and 'dog herding' in the small hours! heh, :o)

Jeni said...

Considering the wildness of some dreams, don't you wish you had that creative ability on tap all the time -think of the great story you could write with some of the weird dreams as the basis. I'm sure some of mine surely would have made a best seller list if I could only remember them with enough clarity to expound on them further!

BetteJo said...

Nothing exciting ever happens at my house. Well, my cats do wake me up when I don't want them too but then - I don't chase them naked!! :)

Joy T. said...

Oh I am so far behind on blog reading but am SO glad I scanned back far enough to catch this post LOL I'm laughing at you not with you. Wait a minute. That's not right. Ok I was kinda laughing at you at the thought of the naked basketball moves in the kitchen :o)