And You Thought Junior High was Brutal

It's been a while since the last update from the Asylum, so lets jump in with both feet:

Trouble is Brewing in Paradise

Thelma and Louise have been making little snide remarks in each other's absence. Thelma thinks Louise is crass and uncouth, while Louise thinks Thelma is a snot. It's hard to tell if their comments are genuine or if they're attempting to bait the rest of the office to join in.

No seriously, that's their favorite pastime.

From where I sit, I can hear bits and pieces of everyone's conversations. Once, when Bubbles was having one of her phone-gasms, ("Oh THANK YOU.. HAHAHAHAHAH... I'm a little devil ain't I? HAHAHAHAHAH" *slap* *snort*) Louise called me and said,"My gawd Mahala, how do you stand that all day long? I'd go crazy."

"It does get old after a while," I answered. "It doesn't do alot for my nerves and it's impossible to hear myself think."

Louise and I ended our conversation and hung up. Immediately, Bubbles' phone rang. From Louise's office I heard, "Mahala said you're getting TOO LOUD. You'd better shut up girl, you're getting on her nerves."

For the rest of the day I had to take cocky little comments like, "I guess I should whisper, since the sound of my voice upsets some people."

If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'.

Bubbles is the Same

Yeah, she's just one gum pop-snap away from me taking her down, pinning her to the ground, reaching into the cavernous cavity that is her mouth, retrieving her Juicy Fruit, stretching it out and surrounding her head, mummy style, tucking the end in her left nostril, then duct taping her hands and feet to a pole like wild game and suspending her over a bonfire.

What?

Stop saying I have anger issues. It pisses me off.

There's Comic Relief if You Know Where to Look

Yesterday, Thelma expressed gratitude that her son had changed his mind about his field of study (for the fifth time.) His latest choice, Pharmacy Tech, came about after his mother told him he'd never be happy as an Anesthesiologist. He just wasn't cut out to be a' wipin' sick people's butts.

I may be way off base here, but I'm pretty sure Anesthesiologists deal more with the other end.

Bossman Bearing Gifts

Yesterday afternoon, Bossman and I discussed our shared inability to get along with people and make friends here. This morning he left a book on my desk. He said it would help me to communicate better with my co-workers.

Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary Volume 2

No lie. Dude can go for months without any signs of human emotion, then suddenly crack me up.

Ah well, I suppose I should like.. do some actual work. Ya'll have a good one.

Later Taters.