Wellness is Giving Me a Headache

Everyone at the Cubicle Asylum is on some military "lose 9 pounds in the first week" diet. They're all eating like.. a tablespoon of peanut butter for breakfast and a can of tuna for lunch. For supper they splurge and eat alfalfa sprouts and tree bark.. or something. Bubbles is only participating in the exercise portion, I reckon because she's on the Wellness Committee and feels it's her duty to herd them all out the door twice a day, chasing them around the building for a few laps.

"But Mahala," I hear you ask (or the voices have started again.. I'm not sure which) "who answers the phone and takes care of business as usual while everyone else is off galavanting around the building?"

Well dear readers, that would be Lulu and myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being healthier and Lulu trudges up and down the hill twice a day (during her break) and hits the treadmill when she gets home. I'd just prefer to do my fitness waddling alone. If you ask me, this company is getting way too far up in people's personal bidness.

About a month ago, personnel asked us to fill out a "health questionaire" and offered $25 to everyone who completed it. They asked about medications, blood pressure, cholesterol, weight, etc. Most people filled it out. I refused. The HR manager acted shocked and a little indignant that I wouldn't comply. She told me I could really use the $25. I told her I felt it was really none of their business.

When I can, I usually take a couple of laps around the property at least once a day. I've been doing this for a long time, it clears my head and recharges my battery. Now, everyone in the plant has decided that it needs to be an organized, group activity.

I go walkin' to get away from them for a few minutes. I sure as heck don't want to hear them yammerin' about who didn't show up for church last night or who's youngin' got expelled yesterday when I'm trying to chill.


I saw a pack of those little tiny chocolate donuts out in the snack machine. Everyone else is on a diet and the vending company guy's family has to eat too. In an effort to do my part to prevent a recession, I think I'll go grab those little fudgy gems.

I'll see ya'll later.

If they don't form an angry mob and kill me.