Earplugs Are a Fashion Statement


I don't know who these people think they are up in here, expecting me to like.. sell stuff all day. I have blogging responsibilities!

Sheesh. The nerve.

It's spitting snow outside, just enough to make it pretty but not sticking to anything. It did make Lulu reconsider taking her afternoon fitness waddle up and down the hill. She'd already removed her Cuddl Duds after determining that the other eight layers of clothes she had on were sufficient to ward off the arctic winter here in Frog Pond Holler.

I think it's like 40° out there.

Seriously, I don't think Lulu has any blood. Her her heart is pumping Diet Pepsi, fueled by a steady diet of raw carrots and fat-free pimento cheese.

I, on the other hand, am wearing a short-sleeved blouse, my shoes are off under my desk and I've got my fan going at warp speed.

Mahala is one hot mama.

It sounds like there's fixin' to be a fight across the hall. Louise is trying to get 'em all stirred up, seeing how there's not been an honest to gawd, knock-down, drag-out here at the Asylum in at least six months.

Purchasing Guy: "I swear, I've been trying to make a phone call for the past twenty minutes. Are the phones down again?"

Louise, loudly: "They's all used up raight now. We ain't got but four lines ya know."

PG leaves the office, shaking his head. If he had any sense he'd just use the company supplied cell phone he has strapped to his hip, but I digress...

Louise to Thelma: "I kain't heppit if evurbuddy is on the dang phone at onced!"

Thelma: "Wail.. jest who's on the phone? We'll find out and we'll jest tell'em PG's mad!"

Louise, noting which names were lit up on the switchboard, hollers: "Jasper and Tiny and Bubbles and Fred! Wait wait... one's free now!!!!!"

Thelma: "HEY PG.. THERE'S A FREE LINE NOW!!!"

Louise: "Awwww never mind.. Bubbles is back on the phone..."

Thelma: "NEVER MIND PG"

Through all of this, I'm over here with earplugs in, trying to do a quote and actually sell something so I don't have to take any more "voluntary" days off in the near future. I hear Bubbles go across the hall to Thelma and Louise's office.. I remove my earplugs.

What? Hell, I don't want to miss anything.. what would I blog about if I didn't get details?

I hear Louise to Bubbles: "Is ya finally off the phone? PG was trying to make a phone call. You'uns better hope you wuz a usin' it fer bidness!"

Bubbles: "AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! He was mad huh? That's so FUNNY! PG was mad! AHAHAHAHA! That's PUUUURFECT!! Har har.. snort.. giggle."

No.. seriously. Ya'll think I'm kidding but I swear on a Paula Deen cookbook, I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.

Thelma: "Yeah, ya'll better not be on the phone when PG needs to use it no more. He was really mad!"

Now Bubbles has her panties in a wad because she's not going to be told when she can be on the phone. I heard something about her wanting to claw PG's eyes out.

It's a good thing tomorrow is church night. Just sayin'.

PG is sitting in his office, without a clue that half the office staff wants to march through town with his head on a stick. Dude just wanted to make a phone call and now he has to die.

Damn shame ain't it?

Thelma and Louise are sitting at their desks all laughing and happy because they've stirred up a big stinking vat of office bullcrap.

Why can't they find another hobby like.. needlepoint or something?

Anywho, it's almost time to go home. I'll see ya'll tomorrow.

Later Taters!

8 comments:

Jeni said...

Don't 'cha just hate it though when management expects employees to work? I sure as heck always did anyway. Now, I'm on SS, can't work, so I play on the computer without anyone getting on my case anymore about that!

Bah said...

Just for fun, go in early one day and pick three or four phones at random. Then, put a small piece of clear tape on the buttons under the handsets. Sit back and enjoy.

Maybe let one other person in on it and bet on which dingleberry will figure out first why they can't get a line out.

I've done it. It's more fun than a sack full of pygmy goats.

Inanna said...

LOL! Damn shame the man has to die.

terri said...

Your office is so much more interesting than mine. The best I heard today was my coworker threatening to give the V8 slap to all the others who aren't paying attention to details.

Editor @ the "Dew" said...

I sit in stunned silence with my mouth open.

I really, really wish we worked closer to each other so that I could come by and visit for lunch once in a while.

DG said...

I love it! Your office is a microcosm of the business world at large, with the caveat that your particular office? Is on ACID, man. Take all of the morons out there in the big bad world of business, dump them into Frog Pond Holler, give them a few mind altering drugs and voila! You just entered the Asylum. I don't know how you make it through the day without laughing your guts out.

Mahala said...

I have to tell ya'll, your comments keep me as entertained as some blog posts :)

I always feel like such an oddball here at the Asylum, I want to thank ya'll for helping me to feel like I'm not the crazy one here lol.

Tori Lennox said...

Ye gods. How do you manage to avoid killing any of the rest of them? Especially Bubbles? *g*

Personally, I love Bah's tape idea!