She's Alive, I'm a Saint

I think I finally finished all the major furniture moving last night. There were a few tense moments when, after all the moving and planning, I didn't think the last piece was going to fit. It took a bit of redneck ingenuity, but I got it in there.

I've been making a deliberate effort to get along better with Bubbles, my cubicle neighbor and co-worker here at the Cubicle Asylum. The way I feel when I'm around her for any length of time goes against my core beliefs. It's not my place to judge anyone or expect them to act in a way which I perceive as correct.

But she makes it so HARD.

I confronted her Friday in a gentle yet firm manner, asking her if she wouldn't be happier moving her office down to the empty office on the other side of her cubicle. I mean, we have all this room, why should we be sitting right on top of each other? She agreed to it, even seemed excited at the prospect of having room for a larger desk, etc.

When I asked Bossman if he was cool with it, he said he'd have to think about it. After about an hour he announced that he didn't feel that it would be to either her or his benefit for her to move down one cubicle, closer to him.

Bubbles said, "Oh, so you don't want to hear my big mouth all day either huh?"

I rolled my eyes... here we go.

"Now that you mentioned it, no, I don't want to listen to your big mouth all day. I'll see if we can have the cubicle walls extended to the ceiling," he answered.

Excuse me.. he has a DOOR he can CLOSE.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable. It's not just that I can hear all her personal business, she laughs loudly.. like a hyena with a medically diagnosed personality disorder, slapping her desk with her open palm repeatedly, at decibels that I'm certain are in violation of the OSHA sound limit regulations.

With that idea shot down, I still worked hard to keep a positive attitude. I walked away from my desk when she got on the phone, tried to smile when she made comments that made me want to shove her head into a food processor... comments like:

"I just can't like gay people, I'm sorry, I guess that makes me racist."

Ummm wut?

Yesterday did me in. I gave up. Bossman was in a foul mood. He stomped, he slammed doors, he growled and barked. I half expected him to hike his leg and take a leak on the file cabinet. On one of his trips down the hall, Bubbles called out to him.

"Hey Bossman, what kinda mood are you in today?"

"Bad, why?" he answered.

"Wull I wuz just a'wonderin cuz you sure been bossy today and me and Mahala, we don't like it."

Oh I beg your farkin' pardon, where did she get this "we" crap????? I was sitting at my desk minding my own dang beeswax.

"Well that's just tough for you and Mahala, I'm in a bad mood and until sales improve, you'll just have to deal with it. How much have you entered today? Any good orders come in? Mahala? Have you done anything for me today?"

Somewhere between my stuttering and scrounging for an answer, Bubbles began laughing uncontrollably and slapping her desk and demanding that Bossman cheer up and be a happy little camper.

I snapped.

"Bubbles!! Shut up... sheesh.. it's like.. if you saw an angry bear in the woods you'd immediately want to run up and poke it with a sharp stick."

I really wanted to ask her if she was actually that clueless or if it was an act, that I didn't believe anyone could really function socially if they were that mentally disabled.

But I didn't.

Maybe my attitude is getting better.

Happy Humpday ya'll. Hump it real good :)