Pepe' Le Pew Ain't Got Nothin' on Us

The other day the Amazon asked if we were going to carve any pumpkins to put out on the porch this year. With barely a path to get from the steps to the front door, I told her I wasn't doing anything to attract any unnecessary attention to the front of our house. I told her there would be no candy given out, no decorations, unless some miracle occurred and the porch was cleaned off.

Guess what I found when I got home yesterday?

She'd cleaned off at least half of it (the other half will require a truck,) fixed the porch light and then I came inside and found that she'd vacuumed.

It was plumb skeery!

Things have turned a little sour here at the Asylum this week. We came in Monday to find that the air conditioner pan, located in the space above our offices, had overflowed or the pipe had leaked.. or something. There was a flood of biblical proportions (okay so I exaggerate.. a little) with most of the moldy, smelly liquid spilling on to the carpeted areas.

It was stinky.

By Tuesday, the damp, musty odor had morphed in to something resembling boy cat pee. Purchasing Guy had to abandon his office and move to the conference room and Lulu had to put up with Jose, the angry little Cuban, using the wet vac on her carpet. Luckily she only had a small puddle in the corner, while Purchasing Guy got most of it.

On Wednesday, we came in and discovered that the smell was getting worse instead of better. Purchasing Guy sent Louise to town to rent a Rug Doctor and pick up some carpet shampoo. The second shift guy spent the better part of the evening trying to finally solve the problem.

Yesterday morning when we opened the front door, the smell nearly knocked us back on our behinds. Something had gone horribly awry.

It was as if an entire pack of giant boy kitties and emptied their enormous boy kitty bladders from one end of the office to the other.

How the hell did cleaning the carpet make it ten times WORSE????? (Apparently the "shampoo" Louise bought wasn't shampoo at all.. go figure.)

Because it was Thursday, the HR manager was here (she's only here two days a week, seriously.) I love the woman to pieces, but sometimes she's a little... flighty.. or maybe.. eccentric. Okay fuck it screw it, she's a flippen nut job. She went down to the dollar store and picked up some powdered, scented carpet deodorizer, one of those liquid plug in things and some spray.

She used all three.

By noon, the air was filled with the aroma of a pack of giant kitties, having peed all over a heavily perfumed whore house.

I really don't get paid enough for this crap.

This morning, the odor is a bit better and mostly confined to Purchasing Guy's office. I figure, it's Karma and he's just not living right. The rest of us are popping decongestants and smearing Vick's under our noses, trying to open our now impacted sinus cavities.

Jaysus.. Is it Friday yet??????

Later Taters :)