Diets, Living Green and Why I Want a Biscuit

Woody Harrelson is on my chit list.

I'm constantly looking for a way to shed some weight and recently I came across a weight loss option that sounded reasonable to me. I think the key to any plan is to burn more calories than you consume and although it sounds simple, it's easy to become frustrated with counting calories and fat grams or keeping up with how much product A considers to be a serving compared to product B. After a while it's just easier to say screw it and have a Big Mac, which is usually what I end up doing.

I've been reading about a plan called Volumetrics which simplifies the whole serving size vs. calories problem. You eat foods based on their "energy density," or the number of grams in a serving divided by the amount of calories per serving. If the answer is one or less, eat all you want. The higher the number, the less of that type of food you should eat. Okay, maybe that over simplifies it a bit, I'll leave it to ya'll to Google if you want to know more. I've got the book on order.

Anywho, the reading I've been doing on Volumetrics is what has lead me to start eating those little fruit cups of peaches with a bit of cottage cheese for breakfast. Both foods have a very low energy density and the cottage cheese has enough protein to keep me full until lunch. The situation is complicated by the fact that The Diner delivers big, fat breakfast biscuits right here to the office each morning, letting you run up a tab. There are also ready made biscuits at the campground store with bacon, sausage or eggs, just sitting there for you to grab on the way in.

It takes a strong will to sit here and gag down my cottage cheese and fruit each morning while the aroma of fresh backed biscuits dripping with greasy goodness wafts down the hall, tickling my nose and tempting me to say hell with it and order up a lip smacking, southern style breakfast.

But what does this have to do with Woody Harrelson? I'm getting to that.. don't rush me.

Sunday I woke up with a headache, not a bad one, just one of those gnawing, irritating headaches. I did battle with it most of the day, alternately napping and popping assorted sinus and pain meds. The Amazon had decided that she wanted to see "The Prestige" which was airing on one of the movie channels (don't ask me how it was, I slept through it... twice.) We had about an hour before the movie was scheduled to air so we settled for a documentary on IFC. I love documentaries and will watch them on just about any subject. This one was about Woody Harrelson traveling around the country on a bike accompanied by his friends on a bus to promote "green living"... or something. I was only sorta paying attention.... remember.. headache.

Anywho, during the course of their travels, one of Woody's cohorts picked up some college student and convinced her to go along with them for a bit. There was this big spiel about showing her the green way and how dairy products were the cause of like.. every medical problem known to man but honestly, the dude was just trying to get laid. I mean, he was sneaking around eating Snicker bars and Funyuns when he thought no one was looking. You could tell his heart wasn't in it.

So this girl emails her parents, in some other country because you could tell from her accent she was one of them furiner college students. In the email she writes (and I'm paraphrasing here 'cuz I was only half paying attention) "I've met a boy named Steve who says that milk contains pus and blood!"

Men will tell you anything to get a little poontang won't they? What ever happened to "what's your sign?" Is this what has become of pickup lines?

Gawd.

First of all, as the parent of a child who just graduated from college, let me just tell ya'll that getting an email from her saying she was hopping on a hippy bus with a bunch of tree huggers and taking off for a few days was right up there with campus terrorist attacks on my list of a mother's worst fears.

But why is Woody Harrelson on my chit list?

Because since seeing this little film I can't face my breakfast anymore without thinking of pus and blood. Common sense tells me that dairy products are pasteurized and that if you examined everything we ate hard enough, you could find some minute amount of nastiness to point out.

I think there is a valid argument for watching what we consume, making smarter choices, not being wasteful.. whatever. I mean, I'd love to have solar panels and not have to pay an electric bill or drive a hybrid car but those things aren't cheap. You have to do what you can to survive, ya know?

I finally got over Craig Ferguson's reference to an insect that morning.. I don't remember what it was now.. a sperm beetle or some crap.. putting me off my breakfast for a couple of days. Then just because Woody Harrelson's buddy wants to get laid, I have a large, unopened container of cottage cheese in the fridge that I'm not sure I can ever look at again.

Ya'll have a good hump day.

**Update*** I think I got that Volumetrics formula bassackwards. Google amonst yourselves.