When the Nuts Take Over the Asylum

Oooo things are getting a little sketchy down at the Cubicle Asylum. We've lost several skilled laborers over the past couple of months and it's proving to be darn near impossible to replace them. Just yesterday, Me and Lulu were discussing how you used to see clean cut family men when you walked through the manufacturing area, hard at work doing their jobs. Now it's right scary to even go out there.

Management stays on our rear ends to keep sales up, but then we can't get product out the door because there's no one to build it. Customers are getting a little antsy.

It ain't pretty ya'll.

I'd heard that the powers that be were contacting some of the people who had left over the past year and offering them part time positions until we could get heads back above water, but today the rumor mill was churning out different versions of the same story. Somehow (I was NOT involved.. honest) it got passed around that they were offering these former employees almost double what they pay our current employees, the ones who've stayed and stuck it out. This didn't go over too well. There were some southern fried temper tantrums, mostly by those workers of the female persuasion, who would have no part of first finding out if the rumors were true, no they just jumped right on the "I don't have to take this" bandwagon. Thelma and Louise were doing their part to keep everyone stirred up. At one point they even tried to drag me into their little web of destruction, but for once (probably the only time in my life) I kept my mouth shut.

What disturbs me most is not that they're calling up people who quit, but they've been contacting people they've fired, more than once, and offering them a position. People who've been terminated when they were caught drinking on the job, fighting in the parking lot and giving women in bars the 800 number when they went to Tennessee bar hopping. I half expect them to hire this guy back.

By the end of the day there were people being taken back into the big boss' office where fatherly lectures were given and people were kindly informed of the location of the door if they didn't agree with the way things were being done. Personally I think that's a dangerous position for management to take, considering the present situation.

Thelma and Louise were visited by the big boss, who gently requested that they please refrain from .. I believe his exact words were, "running your mouth." This didn't go over well either. Afterwards, I heard Thelma telling Louise that they should just cash in their 401K and quit. Thelma threatens to do this about once a week. She must have a hell of a huge 401K saved up.

Bossman just stomps around shaking his head, his jowls flopping to and fro like a bulldog, rubbing his hand over his smooth bald head. I just look at him, smile and say, "I love my job."

It's almost Friday. Almost.


Travel said...

Keep your head down, out of the line of fire.


Mahala said...

Maybe I'll go in tomorrow with a pith helmet!