The Great Piggy Abduction

Something's been weighing heavily on my mind of late, so let's jump right in shall we?

First let me say that while it's true that I have limited patience for little children, I don't harbor a dislike for the evil little midgets little angels, but I do feel a great deal of frustration aimed at some of the parents. The parents in question are those who feel that Little Precious does no wrong and who express moronic pride at the most inappropriate of times.

A few days ago, my good friend Rosie brought her granddaughter up to the office to visit. We were all thrilled, not having seen Little Precious since she was a tiny baby. Now she's almost two, weightless little blonde curls bouncing about her head, huge brown eyes with long flirtatious lashes, she's going to be a heart breaker. I already knew Rosie was completely under the spell of Little Precious, as grandmothers should be, but I was a little surprised at how she acted that day.

I heard them coming up the hall, stopping to visit with everyone along the way. When she got to my office, Rosie stood in the hall and told Little Precious, "Go visit Mahala, see what you can find in there!"

I was a little startled, my office isn't toddler proof, there are scissors, staplers, plants, wires and cords strewn across the floor, a plethora of things for Little Precious to, at the very least, impale herself with. Luckily, well sort of, Precious went straight for the little stuffed pig that sits atop one of my computer speakers. It was a Happy Meal toy that the Amazon got ages ago. She was in the second grade when she gave it to me and told me I could put it on my desk at work, to keep me company, making me promise that nothing would happen to it. Okay, granted, it's only a Happy Meal toy and the Amazon is now a college graduate, but still...

Little Precious abducted the piglet and fled to Bubbles' cubicle.

I didn't say anything, I mean, how would that look if the crazy old fat lady tackled Little Precious to wrestle a stuffed piglet from her slimy little drool covered grasp? So I sat and I worked and I smiled that Stepford Wife smile that I've mastered since coming to live in Frog Pond Holler. Rosie just giggled and went on about how CUTE it was that Little Precious went straight for the piggy and ran.

Well hellfire, she told her to go see what she could find. What did she think she would do?

After they finished plundering the candy dish in Bubbles' office like a couple of cubicle pirates collecting their booty, they came back to my doorway and stood. Rosie told Little Precious to put the piggy back, that she couldn't keep it, all the while looking at me oddly, like I was somehow the bad guy and silently pleading with me to tell her she could keep it, which I did not.

Little Precious then took off, crying, like a bat out of hell up the hall to her waiting mother. I heard mumbling between Rosie and her daughter, the youngin' wailing, I sat here at my desk and cringed. Eventually I heard the wailing child and her mother go out the front door and a very frustrated Rosie returned to my cubicle with piggy in hand.

I felt sort of bad, but sheesh. Since when did it become okay to teach children to enter a work space and help themselves to whatever they want? It's not about the pig, what if she'd grabbed my scissors and taken off with them? Taken a bite out of one of my plants, which may or may not be poisonous? Wouldn't it be more reasonable to use the opportunity to teach a small child to leave things alone when out away from home? I've heard about Rosie's shopping trips with Little Precious. Apparently they let her grab whatever she wants (and they are always amazed at how super smart she is when she points to something and begs for it) then just pay for it at the register.

This is way beyond the playful overindulgence of a grandmother over her grandchild. This is blatant irresponsibility. What ever happened to setting limits? Teaching children how to behave instead of just letting them run helter skelter, thinking the rules don't apply to them? I can only imagine what would happen to a child raised that way.

*cough* paris hilton *cough*

Bubbles is another one who brings her kids to the office regularly to run up and down the hall and yell like a couple of heatherns. I enjoy seeing them and remarking on how much they've grown, but they're wild, wide open, scurrying about like coked up little rats. I would have beaten the Amazon within an inch of her life if she'd gone out in public and acted like that. Oh don't go calling law enforcement, she only ever got one real spanking her whole life, but she knew I'd do it again and that was enough.

Bubbles on the other hand does spank her kids. I know this because she comes to work and brags about how many spankings she gave them on any given weekend. It makes my skin crawl.

Anywho, I'd better quit venting and do some actual work. I'm enjoying my Bubbles free week. Bossman is going to be out tomorrow until lunch too. Things are looking up all over.

Ya'll have a good week. We'll talk more later.