I got up this morning and blindly grabbed a pair of dress slacks to wear to work from the laundry room. As I wandered around, making coffee, feeding animals and getting my things together, I noticed that my clothes felt kind of loose. I must have lost a few pounds. I drag the scales out and hop on, confident that there'd be good news.
I'd gained two pounds.
I tried not to think about it and went on to work vowing to eat nothing but cardboard flavored breakfast cereal and rabbit food for the next six months. I told Lulu what had happened, she sympathized. I even got a "Bless your heart."
Still, my clothes were hanging off me and seemed to be getting larger as the day wore on. Maybe my scales were wrong?
I went out to the freight scales, looked around to make sure no one was lurking in the shadows and stepped on. They read the exact same thing as the scales at home.
Well crap.
After way too much morning coffee, which never did seem to wake me up all that much, I made the first of numerous visits to the ladies room. Our bathroom sports a full length mirror and a horriffic, glaring flourescent light (suitable for interrogating terrorists.) It was then that I realized the terrible truth.
I was wearing Ma's pants.
I looked like MC Hammer.
"Can't Touch This" suddenly had new meaning.
7 comments:
Wearing larger clothes allways makes me look thinner, it is abou the only thing that makes me look thin anymore.
DG
LoL That's a good one! Did you come home to you Mom laying on the floor, sucking it in, trying to get you pants zipped?
I have never liked clothes to touch me except on the shoulders.
But you got guts, stepping on a freight scale at work and all. I usually have to discard all clothing and I even let out my breath before I step on one, already significantly lowered below *0*. You know, there's a gravitational tare weight that must be deducted.
Is it wrong that I just can't wait to see what adventure you post about each day? Thank you for a good laugh this morning.
And I feel better knowing that someone else has mornings where they go to work looking funny.
ROTFL... Thanks for the smile with my morning coffee! LOL.
Lord woman, I must stop sneaking a peak at your site at work. I'm bound to get caught with all the snorting and chuckling going on at my desk.
Idgie
(PS - getting LOTS of Melungeon hits over my way.... would love to share more info..... :)
I thought you might have blundered in to my laundry room.....lol
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