No Craig Ferguson for Two Whole Weeks????

It has been brought to my attention that there are no more tapings scheduled for the Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson after today, until September 11th. That's TWO WEEKS without fresh Ferguson.

CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT WILL COME TO A SCREECHING HALT!!!!

What am I going to do? Will I be forced to actually watch the local news over my morning coffee? No.. I can't.

By about day four I'll find myself wandering up the old Cherokee trail that leads up the mountain to the rocky outcrop known as "Lover's Leap," braving snakes and poison oak. There I will toss myself from the cliff, humming the theme song as I fall in to the raging river below. I'll probably wash up somewhere over in Tennessee, my partially decomposed body mistaken for that of an old hairless bear.

Wait....

With my luck, what will actually happen is I'll probably land on a raft full of tourists taking a leisurely float along the water. I'll survive, toothless and broken up from the fall, yet I'll manage to take out three retirees, on vacation from Florida. They'll die instantly. I'll be tried and convicted for three counts of murder (at least manslaughter) and sent to a maximum security women's prison, where I'll get a butch haircut and end up real cozy with my roomate, a large woman who insists on being called George. There I'll spend the remainder of my days, dreaming of what might have been.

Okay, maybe not. Perhaps I should just wait it out.

Here's wishing Mr. Ferguson a safe trip, wherever he ends up. I'm sure he'll return with exciting new stories to tell.

In the mean time, I think I'll steer clear of the river. Somewhere there's a large woman named George who can't wait to get her hands on a chubby little hillbilly. It's been a long time, but it hasn't been that long yet.