Hey ya'll. Guess what?
I AIN'T DEAD!
I know you've wondered. I don't know what to say 'cept I've been trying to get my head screwed on straight. Between the drama of last year, our current governmental clusterfuck and my riding the crazy train, it's been all I could do to just keep my chit somewhat together.
Don't be fooled, it's not at all together, but it is togetherer than it's been in a while, and that's a good thing.
So settle in, strap it on or whatever and have yourself a hot toddy while we tackle the Reader's Digest Condensed books version of the latest and not so greatest news from Frog Pond Holler.
Aunt Moses and the Gang
When we last discussed Aunt Moses, her Bubbahubby had packed up his bike and headed for Missouri to stay with their son and MTBBCWTLE (My Trashy Big Bewbed Cousin with the Lazy Eye, let's just call her Lazy Eye, kay?) was suddenly single.
Since then Lazy Eye and her youngin have moved in, along with Lazy Eye's son and his wife. That's 5 adults in one house, along with 7 pet snakes, some weird poisonous Vietnamese centipede thing, three tarantulas, a pet stick bug, two dogs and a cat. Oh yeah, and Elvis, Aunt Moses' pet pig.
I ain't even lyin'.
I have pictures of everyone but the snakes, but I'm too lazy to upload them from my camera at the moment. I promise to share, especially pics of Elvis, the cutest mutha feckin' pig in the world.
A few months ago, when Aunt Moses cleared up some IRS issues and suddenly had some disposable income, she bought an Impala and started showing up 2 or 3 times a week to take me for a ride "through town," the rides slowly becoming long treks along the back roads that most people don't know exist. Sometimes Lazy Eye and the youngin would be there too (the youngin just graduated high school, so I guess she's not a youngin anymore, but whatever.) I'd climb in the back seat and Moses would toss me a Coke, a Milky Way and a pack of cheap smokes, because even though I'd quit, I couldn't sit in a car with three people puffin' and not expect to partake.
So now I smoke again and after months of long rides, Aunt Moses suddenly stopped showing up.
Aunt Moses is totally a pusher.
I made a deal with TA, sorta, she caves and buys me about a pack a week. I try to keep her fed and her laundry done, as much as I can. I figure, a pack or two a week is better than the 3 packs a day I was smoking two years ago.
As for Moses, I haven't even heard from her in weeks. I have no idea what the hell is up with her.
Around the Holler
Mrs. Kravitz, the nosy neighbor with the little dog, said the other day that they'd be moving their trailer in the next two years. The out-of-towner who bought Dubya's old place is planning to build tiny houses to lease to the the tourists.
Peachy feckin' keen. What we really need are more abandoned cabins and rude ass tourists (can you smell the sarcasm?)
Directly across the road, the airstream was back for a few months. John, the Ron Pearlman lookin' dude who owns it, put in a picnic table, a clothesline, a satellite dish and a storage shed. He told us he was in the entertainment business, movies and t.v., like he expected us to be impressed. Me and Mrs. Kravitz figure he must be into illegal porn trafficking or some chit.
After dealing with the blinding glare from the airstream illuminating my living room for several months, John suddenly hitched up his trailer and left. He told Mrs. Kravitz he'd be working in Richmond for a while and probably wouldn't be back for a couple of years.
There is something fishy about that dude. I can't put my finger on it.... but something.
Meanwhile, Back at the Asylum...
I was down at the Gas n' Go the other day, grabbing a cup of that high octane, gas station coffee, when a long haired, snaggle toothed dude, who was in dire need of a sandwich or two, turned around in line, looked at me and smiled.
"We've sure missed you."
I soon realized he was one of the fellers from the Asylum, hired after the Germans took over. He went on to explain that the sales department was now staffed with a manager and three sales associates, yet sales were at an all time low. He went on and on about how the buzz around the manufacturing floor was that they were better off when it was just me by myself.
Now, I have no idea if it's true or not, but it doesn't matter. He made me feel better about myself than I have in the past year and half. I hope some of that employee chatter makes it's way along the gossip train, back to the sales office and Bubbles' ear.
That shit would piss her off. And I'm a vindictive bitch.
Some things you can't medicate away.
Anywho, I'd better finish whipping up dinner. It's spaghetti tonight with fresh green peppers from TA's little garden. Ya'll take care. We'll talk again soon.
Swear.
Later Taters!
P.S. Have you signed up for Ebates yet? If you EVER order stuff online, it's a great way to earn rebates. My favorite way to use Ebates is ordering onlne from Walmart, getting the Ebates rebate, then having T.A. pick it up the next morning. The convenience of ordering online, no shipping charges AND cash back!
