Better Days

The brisk wind blowing through the trailer windows makes me thankful that I thought to toss a pair of my fuzzy pj pants in the wash yesterday. There aren't many people who can rock leopard jammy bottoms and a tie dyed t-shirt, but I can, so I do.

There's a fresh pot of tea brewing, I go through a lot of iced tea lately. I've got an Italian flavored Tofurky link in the pan, soon to be joined by some scrambled eggs and a couple of whole grain waffles for dinner. I have breakfast for dinner often, it's the easiest way to get enough protein. I don't really think of myself as a vegetarian, to me that is someone who lives on veggies. I just don't eat meat, although I have been craving A1 for some reason.

Anywho, today at The Cubicle Asylum was busy, crazy.. but I was under control. When things seemed to be coming at me from every direction, I was able to calmly place them in order and take care of business in a calm and orderly manner. If I get behind, they'll just have to pay me over time. That's just how it's going to have to be. Now if I can just maintain that attitude, I might just make it through without any major disasters.

It's the medication. Back when I was seeing the noggin doc, she suggested taking the smaller dose when I got to work in the mornings. She said it would help slow things down in my swirling drain hole brain and make it easier to think. She was right. I've felt a little out of control for a few weeks now. It all kind of came to a head when when me and T.A. went to visit her friend in the hospital the other day. Now that I think about it, it was the first time in over 20 years that I'd been on the labor and delivery floor. We were in the NICU, visiting little Annie when it just washed over me. I broke out in a sweat, started stuttering when I tried to speak.. I finally had to go out and sit in the waiting room. T.A.'s friend was talking about the epidural and all the drama surrounding the birth and I started remembering when Long Lost Daughter was born, being in Tennessee, no one in my family knowing I was even pregnant and there I was, getting ready to have a baby and give it away. What if something happened? What if I died? T.A. was back in Virginia living with Ma. What would they think of me if THIS was how they found out? I think it was my first honest to God anxiety attack.

I got an email from the new jammy job today, welcoming me and reminding me that I have orientation on the 16th then training for two weeks starting the following Monday, so I came home, got my desk cleaned off, replaced the burned out bulbs in the lamps and got things situated. It will be nice to have a regular second check coming in. I also gathered up all the product catalogs for my website and stacked them neatly by the computer, along with my idea notebook, so that I can work on that too. 

I don't know how I intend to work two jobs and do that too, but I will. 

Just will.

In the meantime, something ginormous has moved in under the house and is running into the pipes, sending all four legged residents in to a tither, so I should probably go calm the masses. Maybe they need anxiety meds too.

Ya'll have a good one. I'm gonna go watch that farm video again and day dream about how life might some day be. 

Later Taters!