Sister Wives Made Me Cry and How I Spent My Thanksgiving Vacation

It's killing me to go to work after being off for a week. I'm starting to think a sugar daddy might not be such a bad idea. One that's gone all week, driving a truck or working on the railroad or something, out of my hair.. most of the time.

You can see why I can kinda understand the whole sister wives thing.

Speaking of Sister Wives, I know I say I hate reality shows, yet in the same breath I go on and on about the latest one I happen to be obsessed with. But anyways... this week? Those layered up, super mom sister wives made me CRY.

Keep in mind, I'm a total cynic when it comes to reality t.v. I get annoyed when they pretend we don't know the two people on the screen aren't really alone in the room having a private conversation, that there are AT LEAST one camera guy and one sound guy hovering near by. Not to mention cables, wires and other electronic.. doohickeys.

But then fourth wife Robin, just hours after squeezing a boy human from her lady bits, probably still experiencing the coochie afterburn of childbirth, aka "the ring of fire," got first wife Meri, who has often mentioned her desire to have another child but who isn't able, alone to talk and asked Meri if she could be her surrogate.

Seriously? You place your newborn infant in the arms of the infertile woman and WHILE SHE CRADLES HIS CHUBBY LITTLE BODY.. you ask her this? IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF PEOPLE?
I call FOUL!

Sweet Mother of all that's Holy.. Do you think that was FAIR Robin? More importantly.. you made me do the ugly girl cry.

All joking aside, there is a love that exists between those women that I can't even comprehend. And it makes me a little jealous.

On a side note, I think Cody is just a big ol' happy go lucky horndog. He's got more spring in his step than a 15 year old boy with his first fake ID on his way to a strip show.

Crying in front of the bewb tube isn't the only thing I did on my vacation.

Saturday - Day One - I shopped. I found TWO king sized animal print (one leopard and one tiger) furry throws to cover the two front seats of the RV. Ya'll can't even grasp the tackiliciousness that is my girl cave. They were only $15 each. I also found a folding stool for $5 that I'm going to cover and some silverware. I visited Lowe's with the intention of getting another heater. I had already bought two, the first of which has ended up under my desk at work to take the chill off. The second was one of those oil filled radiator heaters, recommended by Cousin H. I should have known it wouldn't be worth a flip. Just like Cousin H. WHO CAN STILL BITE ME. I said to the sales lady, "Look, I'm freezing my bits and pieces off. I live in an RV with no insulation to speak of. I've had one of these (pointing) and one of these. I have $115 left on my Lowe's card. For the love of Pete, can you help me?" She walked me over to this:

It was $99. With tax and the discount I get for using my credit card, I should just make it. Then she leaned over and whispered, "If you come back on Black Friday, it's only $59."

A choir of angels could be heard rejoicing overhead. I damned near kissed the Lowe's saleslady.. ON THE LIPS.

Sunday - Day Two - I gassed up Jolene and made the trek over the mountain and through the woods to the neighboring county to get my bunny. I used the GPS on my phone to find the house, I was uber impressed with myself. The bunny breeder was a sweet, pimple faced little feller whose garage was over run with baby bunnies.His mom came home from church as I was getting ready to leave, she too was a darling. After instructions on feeding, holding and not scaring the living chit out of little Lola, I popped her in a pet taxi and brought her home. She is well on her way to being spoiled rotten. However, she sleeps in her litter box and poops everywhere else in her cage. I think she's wired wrong or something.

Monday - Day Three - I went to the dentist in Scary Hillbilly Town and had those two wonky molars yanked. The one was split completely in half, he needed to only wiggle it once to pop it out. He then stuck the nasty, bloody chunk o' tooth in my face and said, through his mask in a muffled voice, "HOW DID YOU STAND THIS?????" I never felt any pain from the pulling or the days after. I did have a face full of gauze, and I nearly had nervous breakdown when he came at my face with the giant screwdriver lookin' thing, but all and all it wasn't too bad. Feel free to refer to me as the snaggle toothed hillbilly.

Tuesday - Day Four - I laid around, crocheted myself a pair of fingerless gloves and watched Lola lose her mind, running around, enjoying stretching her legs. I used having my teeth ripped from my face as an excuse to be lazy. I am so allowed.

Wednesday - Day Five -I braved the grocery store for a few things for Turkey Day. Laid around some more. Played with the bunny some more. IT WAS VACATION PEOPLE.

Thursday - Day Six - I cooked way more than I said I was going to. No turkey, just a small ham, some sweet potato casserole and assorted veggies. I bought deviled eggs from the deli, jarred gravy and some Stove Top. And can shaped cranberry sauce. If it's not can shaped, it's not the good stuff. It was lip smacking tasty.

Friday - Day Seven -It had already been determined that I was going to have to go shopping, (see Saturday.) The Amazon needed shoes for work and the chubby girl store was having a 50% off everything sale, so we decided we'd do the Black Friday thing, for the first time EVER. We left the house at 2:45 a.m., because clearly, we're insane. We got back home around 11:30. We did not get maced. I learned that the mall is a magical place in the middle of the night. We went everywhere, including Lowe's. I got my heater. IT ROCKS. I'm so gonna hang tiny Christmas stockings in front of my super realistic fake flames. We went to a different Lowe's so I didn't see the same sales lady, which is good 'cuz I prolly would have humped her leg. I didn't buy much else, I was broke from shopping the previous weekend, but I did score a door buster deal on some Crocs for my oddly ginormous Flinstone feet (Fred, not Wilma thank you very much.)

Saturday - Day Eight - Recovered from Friday. Slept a lot. Spent time remembering the days that I used to bar hop for as many hours with no ill effects.. while drunk. I'm no spring chicken.

Sunday - Day Nine - Dreaded Monday. Did the laundry I should have done all during the previous week. Dreaded Monday some more. Worried over what Bossholio's mood was going to be. Played with bunny.

Anywho, that's all for now. I gotta get my bootay in gear. Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


tiff said...


Anonymous said...

Awesome sounding week off! Are you gonna be selling those fingerless gloves? Cause I need me some of those for sure. Let me know.

Mahala said...

I hadn't really planned on selling the gloves, this is my first attempt. If I can figure out a way to make them unique I might :). The Amazon is making some panda paw ones.

Judy (kenju) said...

Bunny photos, please.

BetteJo said...

Sounds like a fabulous vacation! And your bunny is damn cute. I can't help it - I think being a sister wife is the way to go. You don't have to fawn over the guy all the time, you've got sister wives to share the husband-sitting, and you have girlfriends around all the time. Sounds good for me! Now I know why I never got married again, I haven't found the right plural marriage material. :)