Prescription Stress Causes a Need for Medication


It's rainy and kinda dreary in the holler today. My eyes are all swollen from allergies, the office wreaks of dead rat and I'm getting a headache again, probably because I keep forgetting to take my blood pressure pill in the mornings.

Speaking of pills, medications and things of that nature...

I noticed the other day that I was getting low on batshitcrazy pills. I ran out of them once. We don't want that to happen again. I went online to the Wallyworld pharmacy to order a refill to pick up after work, but then got the bright idea to sign up for home delivery.

Obviously, 45 years of clusterfucked bright ideas haven't taught me a damned thing.

So I signed up, which seemed painless enough and thought all was well. I had enough pills to last about a week and they offered free shipping for 7 day delivery. But then? I got an email saying there was a problem processing my refill and that I needed to call their toll free number.

Okie dokie.

I called the toll free number, went through the stupid mutha effin automated menu, made my selection... and was DISCONNECTED. It's bad enough to be hung up on by a human, but when you get dissed by a RECORDING you've reached an all time low.

Way to go on the customer service there Wallyworld.

Needless to say, I was a tad bit miffed. I replied to the email, which clearly stated that I needed to call instead, but that wasn't working out for me, and explained that I had TRIED to call but had been disconnected.

The next day I got a reply.

"I would be happy to check on this for you, please verify your date of birth and mailing address so we may access your account."


Nice. I replied with the information. The next day I got this reply:

" What it is we have faxed your Dr for a 90 day supply and at this time we are just waiting on a response. Can you also call us at the number below so we may update your method of payment as well.
If I can assist in anything else please let me know."

What it is? Really?

So then? I called ANOTHER number and thankfully, was not hung up on, and asked the nice people at the Wallyworld home delivery pharmacy to please just cancel my order. I was now down to a couple of days worth of batshitcrazy pills and the stress they were causing me was just overriding any positive effect the medication was going to have any effin' way.

I was assured that the order was cancelled and I could order my refill right away, no problemo. I went back online (our local Wallyworld pharmacy's phone has been screwed up for weeks) to order my refill to pick up after work.

Guess what?

NO MORE REFILLS.

I called Wallyworld and by some supreme being's miraculous intervention, I got through to the pharmacy, who assured me they would contact my doctor for authorization.

I waited until the afternoon, then called back, confident that my worries were over, to make sure my prescription would be ready when I got there.

But.

The pharmacy still had not heard from my doctor.

I swear I'm not making this up ya'll.

I called the doctor's office and left a message on the God forsaken stupid butt sucking invented by assholes with too much time on their hands automated refill line. I sort of snottily left a message that I knew Walmart had been trying to contact them and I'd appreciate it if they'd DO THEIR JOB and call in my prescription before I lost my shit and stripped naked, running through the streets of Big City and singing Freebird.

Okay so maybe that wasn't the EXACT message.

The next day (I had taken my last pill the night before) I tried to play it cool. I called the pharmacy a time or two to find out if they'd heard anything. By now, I didn't even care if it got filled. I got off work at five, stopped at the post office to pick up the mail and guess what I found?

A PRESCRIPTION FOR A 90 DAY SUPPLY FROM THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE.

I shit you not people.

So great. I could just GO to Wallyworld and get the STUPID THING filled.

But wait.

I stopped at home to let Ma know I was making a run to Big City and while I was there, I got a phone call. FROM THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE. Regarding my UNPLEASANT message on their answering service.

And oh my God. I APOLOGIZED.

Why? I DON'T KNOW.

Clearly I need my ass kicked.

Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters.