The Only Thing Missing Was Banjo Music

Today, The Amazon and I went on an adventure. We traveled over the hills and through the woods to a land about halfway between the holler and that country themed amusement park made famous by a certain blonde who's claim to fame has as much to do with her mountainous, bodacious tattas as her angelic voice.

You might say we took the scenic route.

We met up with two men at a remote gas station across the road from a Baptist church. One was of medium build, with shaggy facial hair and a prominent set of teeth. The other was about as big around as he was tall, with big, meaty arms covered in tattoos and the requisite wife beater tee. They pulled up in a truck that T.A. decided must have been built from at least 3 or 4 different models. She was later corrected, it was more like 6 or 7. We followed these two fellers down a side road, which got more narrow as it went on, then turned on to a gravel road that wasn't much bigger than a pig trail, deep in to the woods.

I was getting a little nervous. T.A. took pictures with her phone, but I don't have them yet. You'll just have to wait.

We turned again and ended up in yard just feet from the highway we started out on.

Thank God. They weren't taking us back in the woods to slaughter us and feed our innards to a wood chipper. I won't even pretend that I didn't think "Oh shit, maybe this isn't such a good idea" at least eleventy billion times.

There in the clearing, we saw her. She's old. Her color is a little faded. Inside, she's dirty. Filthy. She's missing a chair and a table. Something's missing from the wall behind the stove.

But she cranked right up.

She just needs someone to clean her up and love her.

Not the actual RV, but the same style, model and stuff.

The floor had one bad spot, but other than that, and the dirt, everything's functional. All the curtains will need to be tossed. Everything will need to be scrubbed. The potty palace may require a stick of dynamite to get it clean. The missing chair and dinette make just enough room for my sewing machine. The carpets are gone and replaced with wooden floors.

She has potential.

I'm going to the bank in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed.

The dude with the tatts even offered to help me drive it across the mountain and get it set up. I think he was sweet on me.

So be proud of me and my socially dysfunctional self. I called craigslist strangers. I followed them into the woods. And I may have found my girl cave.

I'm at the tail end of day one of a four day weekend. I needed a break ya'll. Bossholio hasn't been in a good mood. He and Jasper aren't fond of the new manager. She's a girl. And she takes no shit. She's also probably my second cousin.. we think.

Sometimes it's hard to tell about family trees around here.

Anywho.. ya'll have a good one. I'm excited. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


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