|This photo speaks to the|
artist in me and makes
me crave a banana.
Have ya'll tried that yogurt that's supposed to help your digestive system? I did. My gut is always in a state of unrest, from one ailment or the other. I thought this miracle yogurt sounded like a great idea, so I picked some up.
On day two it hit me.
Now I know why Jamie Lee Curtis looks so tight lipped and perky in those commercials, sitting perfectly straight and putting a death grip on her yogurt spoon. She's trying with all the gumption God gave her not to CRAP HERSELF BLIND, right there on the tee-vee.
But can I take a hint? Noooo. I go on the trusty old innerwebs and find that you're supposed to hang in there for two weeks, to give it a chance to "regulate" your system.
So I tried. And God as my witness, there was nothing "regular" about what took place in my lower abdominal region. I didn't even make it a week. That stuff is atomic. It should come with a warning label: "May cause excessive, explosive bowel movements. Incidents of customer's colons turning inside out, giving the appearance of a baboon experiencing spring time lust have been reported. Use with extreme caution and take extra care to pack yourself some extra granny panties (or big boy bloomers, as the case may be.)"
This has been a public service announcement.
I've been back on my quest to find ways to make some extra money. Extra from what I get paid at the Asylum, but not "extra" once it hits my bank account. I don't think I've ever had that kind of extra money.
I've tried just about everything on the internet short of running my own porn site.. although there was my brief career as a Second Life stripper...
I think I've finally found a couple of things I can do from home, when I have time, that don't require an "investment" of any kind. Keep your fingers crossed. If they pan out, I'll be sharing the information.
Jolene has developed a wiggle in her rear end, which may be attractive to boy trucks, but is a little unnerving when barreling down the backside of Froggy Mountain. I hope it's nothing major. I can't afford major. She also needs a bath and a good vacuuming. It's on my list.. my ever growing, extremely long To Do list. It should be called the "You'll Never Live Long Enough to Get All This Crap Done" list.
So far, The Amazon hasn't figured out her birthday pressies. At least, I don't think she has. She's crafty, that one. We've been having this debate over the cupcakes. I want to make something different, like strawberry or extreme chocolate, but the child wants yellow. YELLOW IS NOT A FLAVOR. And cream cheese icing.
Apparently, T.A. does not understand that I've been eating healthier, trying to shed a little of the junk in my trunk and I'm REALLY looking forward to these cupcakes. I keep reminding myself that my therapist warned me to stop making everything about me...but I'm the one who carried another being around in my nether regions for nine long months, only to have her RIPPED from my abdomen, left permanently scarred from the experience and granted permanent Black Sheep status within the family.. WHY CAN'T I GET A FREAKIN' CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE????????
Ya'll have a bootylicious Humpday. We'll talk again soon.