Odds and Ends.. But Mostly Odd

This photo speaks to the
artist in me and makes
me crave a banana.
Lawd ya'll. This week has already been two months long... and it's only Humpday.

Have ya'll tried that yogurt that's supposed to help your digestive system? I did. My gut is always in a state of unrest, from one ailment or the other. I thought this miracle yogurt sounded like a great idea, so I picked some up.

On day two it hit me.

Now I know why Jamie Lee Curtis looks so tight lipped and perky in those commercials, sitting perfectly straight and putting a death grip on her yogurt spoon. She's trying with all the gumption God gave her not to CRAP HERSELF BLIND, right there on the tee-vee.

Good gawd.

But can I take a hint? Noooo. I go on the trusty old innerwebs and find that you're supposed to hang in there for two weeks, to give it a chance to "regulate" your system.

So I tried. And God as my witness, there was nothing "regular" about what took place in my lower abdominal region. I didn't even make it a week. That stuff is atomic. It should come with a warning label: "May cause excessive, explosive bowel movements. Incidents of customer's colons turning inside out, giving the appearance of a baboon experiencing spring time lust have been reported. Use with extreme caution and take extra care to pack yourself some extra granny panties (or big boy bloomers, as the case may be.)"

This has been a public service announcement.


I've been back on my quest to find ways to make some extra money. Extra from what I get paid at the Asylum, but not "extra" once it hits my bank account. I don't think I've ever had that kind of extra money.

I've tried just about everything on the internet short of running my own porn site.. although there was my brief career as a Second Life stripper...

But anywho..

I think I've finally found a couple of things I can do from home, when I have time, that don't require an "investment" of any kind. Keep your fingers crossed. If they pan out, I'll be sharing the information.


Jolene has developed a wiggle in her rear end, which may be attractive to boy trucks, but is a little unnerving when barreling down the backside of Froggy Mountain. I hope it's nothing major. I can't afford major. She also needs a bath and a good vacuuming. It's on my list.. my ever growing, extremely long To Do list. It should be called the "You'll Never Live Long Enough to Get All This Crap Done" list.


So far, The Amazon hasn't figured out her birthday pressies. At least, I don't think she has. She's crafty, that one. We've been having this debate over the cupcakes. I want to make something different, like strawberry or extreme chocolate, but the child wants yellow. YELLOW IS NOT A FLAVOR. And cream cheese icing.

Apparently, T.A. does not understand that I've been eating healthier, trying to shed a little of the junk in my trunk and I'm REALLY looking forward to these cupcakes. I keep reminding myself that my therapist warned me to stop making everything about me...but I'm the one who carried another being around in my nether regions for nine long months, only to have her RIPPED from my abdomen, left permanently scarred from the experience and granted permanent Black Sheep status within the family.. WHY CAN'T I GET A FREAKIN' CHOCOLATE CUPCAKE????????



Ya'll have a bootylicious Humpday. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!!



Anonymous said...

Well you know you can mix up the cupcakes a little. Maybe make some of both. Just a suggestion from someone that lives with several picky eaters. LOL Good luck and I have to say thanks for the heads up on the yogurt, I was thinking about trying it but I believe I will rethink that now.

b.fez said...

I eat that yogurt from time to time, and it doesn't cause me any intestinal distress. On the contrary - it helps me cure intestinal distress... but I could just be weird that way. I makes me wonder, though, if you might have a touch of lactose intolerance?

As for the cupcakes - I'm with Tonya. Make both! I love me a good cupcake. Happy birthday wishes to the Amazon!

Mahala said...

Oh I was doing the once a day every day for a two weeks thing. Once in a while is probably okay. It IS good tasting yogurt.

Linda G. said...

LOL! This post is the funniest thing I've read all week--thanks for the laugh! :)

tiff said...

What Activia does is what drinking a few (3) liters of water a day does.

Without the gas part. So, give it a shot iff'n you're interested. :)

Mahala said...

Thanks Linda!

And Tiff, I'm already drinking so much water my eyeballs are floating. Perhaps with the uber yogurt, it was a case of intestinal over kill.

Live and learn :)

kenju said...

I tried the yoghurt and had the same problem. Try Phillip's COlon Health. It works!!

Aarin said...

the problem with that yogurt is it doesn't fix all your belly issues. activia is only for 'slow moving intestinal transit' ie constipation. if you have the opposite problem like i do then its gonna cause hellacious urgent potty trips. which it seems you experienced. activia really needs to make that more apparent in their advertising. for people with bullet train speed intestinal transit, pro-biotics are good. there are several brands available for varying costs. the cheapest i've found is sustinex at wally world. each pro-biotic is only one trademarked bacteria so you might have to sop around till you find the specific one that helps you the most

tiff said...

Oh yeah - a lot of water AND nuclear yogurt cannot be good for you.

BetteJo said...

Mahala - you're a smart gal - look-it this -
You and TA could go in on it together. I'm assuming her feet are prettier and younger (and she probably hasn't lost any toe nails lately.)Forget about the creepy part and remember that some people out there will pay for anything! Talk it up big and take some nice pictures and you can add to your income nicely without a lot of effort. :)