Miss Patty Professional: That's Me!

First, let's recap:

On Friday, Bossman called me to the GM's office where he vibrated with anger while waving "documentation" in my face because apparently I don't do anything but sit at my desk and eat and talk to Lulu after strolling in late every morning.

I don't know which office he's been showing up to every morning, but I'm pretty sure he's hanging out in an alternate universe.. or tripping on acid or somechit.

Mister shows up whenever the hell he feels like it, leaves suddenly with no idea if or when he's coming back then shows up an hour later smelling like Boone's Farm is going to drag MY ass into the GM's office?

Friday was just one big, long, ginormous "WTF?"

I bawled like a big stupid baby all day, blubbering, doing the ugly monkey face cry. The GM, who I've known for 14 years, looked at me and used the words "possible termination."

There was a whole freakin' laundry list of offences, all of which were false. He wanted to write me up for being behind when I was there alone all those times, etc. I've decided that he's just gotten tired of not being able to intimidate me and decided he wanted me gone.

I guess. I'm not really sure what the old crab apple's motive was.


After I did the monkey faced ugly girl cry in the line at Wally World Friday night, then once or twice after I got home, I finally started to see things a little clearer on Saturday.

Just a little.

By Monday morning I'd written a 7 1/2 page letter addressing each offence, explaining how they pertained to issues that had been long resolved, I suggested that maybe if Bossman would learn to communicate instead of intimidate, stop making threats, slamming doors and channelling his inner Hitler I could be a little more productive. I brought up his use of racial slurs, his unwillingness to learn how to use our inventory control system (he's been there 4 years now and still can't find a tracking number) and the fact that I still have over 90 hours of vacation to take before the end of the year. Bossman had asked me not to take more than one day at a time while we were under staffed, yet he's got no problem taking his long weekends.

Oh and? I got written up for keeping emails back to 2008. Just because.. they were there. Again.. WHAT THE HELL???? I had to EXPLAIN that I don't delete emails, that some contain passwords to business related websites, changes made to orders, etc.

I made copies of my response to our "disciplinary meeting" for HR, the GM and Bossman. 

About 30 minutes after I distributed copies of what is now referred to as "the letter," the GM's P.A. came by with her note pad and grinned as she motioned me back to his office. This time? Bossman sat in the back of the room, red as a beet.

Part of the "offences" were dropped. The GM bent over backwards to make sure I was happy and satisfied when I left there. Bossman looked like he could bite the head off a pigeon. Basically, I agreed to be Miss Patty Professional from now on, at my desk before 8 am, limiting my socializing to my two scheduled ten minute breaks each day and in return, Bossman pretty much leaves me alone as long as I'm doing my job. At the end of the meeting, the GM said, "as far as you're concerned Mahala, this matter is closed." He then instructed Bossman to stay seated.

They've had about three more meetings since then. Bossman has had at least one call from the CEO.

Everyone knows when he calls. You get paged three times instead of two.

I'm not sure what will happen next. Bossman is pissed off. I don't think he will DARE try to bully me again. He's been walking around hanging his head like a whipped dog. I'm holding out for him to quit.

In the meantime, there is no music coming from my office. No breakfast at my desk.. oh the GM chewed his ass for that too. The GM stops and grabs a biscuit on the way in each morning.. everyone in the office brings stuff with them, well, except Bossman. Maybe he just wanted a bite?

I'm still a little cautious, I will be for a while I think. The fact that he came in an hour early so he could get on my computer and check my emails still kinda creeps me out. I don't care that he found out I sent Tiny an email asking him if he heard Bossman back there shooting rainbows and magic fairy dust out of his ass.. he looked like he was going to rupture something in that big ol' head of his when he whipped that out..  and the GM never even acknowledged that it existed.

I hope he read THAT to the CEO.


So for now.. I'm still there and so is he. Lulu is ready to rip him a new one with her letter opener since she found out she was named as a trouble maker. We don't speak, just pass the occasional note as we pass in the hall, like a couple of 5th graders, or motion towards the door when it's break time.

It's like a morgue in there.

I copy Bossman every email I send out and forward him every junk message I get with the body "FYI. Thanks!!" since he's so interested in what messages I get. I've also started emailing him with questions and long, drawn out explanations when something isn't completed, giving him the details on all aspects of my day, sparing him the color, size and aroma of my bowel movements, but if he messes with me, I'll start emailing him that too.

I keep a notebook at my desk where I log what time I arrive, when I take my two allotted ten minute breaks, what time I leave, what I did during each hour block. I keep it in an obnoxiously pink plastic folder along with a copy of the employee manual which I requested after our meeting on Monday and it goes home with me each evening.

I also make notes of any conversations I have with Bossman and print all emails from him to file in my ginormous pink folder.

Taking all those notes is time consuming. I'm going to be rolling in overtime.

I will be so glad when this weekend gets here. It's already been a hell of a week. But I don't regret it. I almost allowed that little twerp of a man to undo a years worth of therapy in one afternoon.

Not this time. I always knew I had a backbone in there somewhere.

We'll talk again soon. Promise. Ya'll have a booty kickin' week.

Later Taters!