The Latest from Frog Pond Holler

Lawd have mercy. It's not even 11 o'clock and I've already been humpin' it like a horny toad all morning. It's good to be busy, but dang.

It's been a while since we got caught up with the latest and greatest news around the holler, so here goes:

Around Town: The new visitors center is open for business but I never see any visitors there, just old fellers, spitting tobacco and modeling the latest in denim overall fashion. Maybe they're the welcoming committee. I liked the old caboose that stood there before, but no one asked me so..

I reckon the tree huggers down at the campground store grill are still in business, but I think it's just a matter of time until they give up. I'm a little afraid of what will happen when the biker rally hits the campground this summer. Things could get ugly. If I had the money, I'd buy myself an old delivery truck and set it up outside the campground like the lunch wagons that used to line up outside the high school when when I was a kid back in Virginia. There's something about a BBQ sandwich with a dab of cole slaw, wrapped in wax paper and handed to you with a grin and a thank you that makes it taste so much better. Oh and you have to eat it with a canned drink and a bag of chips.

At the Cubicle Asylum: There was a bit of a shake up with the managers over the past couple of weeks. Tiny was promoted to a new position and sent to our other plant and PG (Purchasing Guy) was "offered" Tiny's old job while continuing to over see the purchasing department. Rumor has it that if Tiny had turned down his new position, PG would have been laid off, his position being eliminated completely.

Kinda scarey.

Bossman is being a poopie head but then.. that's not news.. that's just normal. The only time he's happy is when he emits a strong odor resembling alcohol.

Back at the Trailer: The couch is broken again. I'm pretty sure it's beyond repair this time. T.A. likes to sit in the hole while she surfs the innerwebs with her laptop. Miss Kittypuss has declared the hole leading under the couch her lair and hides until you sit on the good end. Just when you least suspect it, a claw emerges from behind the cushion to leave a slap mark on your backfat behind. It's really creepy when her head appears from the center of the couch, ears back and pupils dilated like she's been smoking crack under there all day.

Yeah.. so I need a new couch.

My trashy-big-boobed-cousin-with-the-lazy-eye was at the house weedeating when I went home for lunch yesterday. It was sort of hit and miss, they've totally ruined my yard, I mean aside from the giant weed patch that was supposed to be a garden and the big trench exposing the sewer line. Oh, didn't I mention that? The Leprechaun came back and filled in about two feet of the 20 foot trench the other day. The rest is still just a giant gaping hole. I'm thinking of filling it with water and adding a few goldfish.

Never pay the repairman before he finishes the job. Lesson learned.

But anywho, I'm going to get a lawnmower as soon as I can find one for cheap. It's too snakey around here to let the grass get that tall. It'll cause a big stink amongst the kinfolk for me to cut my own grass (don't ask) but I reckon that's just tough toenails.

And as for Me: Well.. I'm chugging along. My body has been all to hell for the past couple of months, I'll spare you the details but female problems galore are causing FMF flares that just never end, rendering me so lazy and bitchy that I can barely stand myself. But it's okay. I know it's only temporary and a month or two from now I'll look back on this period of time and wonder what the hell my problem was.

At least the "bitchy" isn't as "crazy" as it used to be. Thank God for little yellow pills.

I've been thinking a lot about that book I used to talk about writing. Maybe even one or two. All ya'll would buy one, right?

It's nearly lunchtime here at The Asylum, so I'd better get moving. Ya'll have a humpalicious Humpday and for gawdsake, don't hurt yourself.

Later Taters!


Tonya said...

Buy one...Hell I'd buy 10 at least. LOL. You make me laugh at least once a day. So you had better get started. I'm waiting.

b.fez said...

Book? We've been waiting for the book, like... FOREVER! Write it, and I promise to buy one for all my friends and family. :)

BetteJo said...

Yes! Write one! I'd buy it!

And the couch? I bought a pretty nice one from our local thrift shop about 6 years ago, for 50 bucks. Can't beat that!