Texting With the Amazon

Since the day The Amazon came home from college in Greensboro, she's been whining like a big ol' baby mentioning how much she misses going to IHOP. The other day, I made the mistake of telling her they were opening one over in the next county, about thirty minutes away, across from the Wally World where we do most of our shopping.

I've since learned that the IHOP isn't opening off in the near future some time, it's this Tuesday. The Amazon was just tad bit too excited about it last night. When I woke up this morning, I reached for my cellphone and this text exchange took place:

Me: IHOP has been cancelled. The whole company is going out of business
Me: The pancake batter became infected with the Ebola virus.
Me: Cuz terrorists infiltrated the company. All IHOP employees are Al-Qaeda
Me: Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Clinton formed a posse of elderly vigilantes and killed them all .... in the night.
Me: There was pancake batter, whipped cream and blood everywhere
Me: Stallone was blinded when a projectile sausage link was fired straight into his eyeball
Me: It caused a reaction with all the Botox and his face melted
TA: I'm not even playing this game anymore
Me: Stop bothering me, I'm not even up yet
Me: Nuh uh and you wouldn't even KNOW about IHOP if it weren't for me
TA: I know. And I was excited. And now you're trying to ruin it. What's up with that?
Me: It's my job as a parent to shatter your dreams and toy with your emotions
TA: yer just being a dork
Disclaimer: As far as I know, IHOP is not going out of business. I was just messin' with The Amazon. I haven't heard anything involving pancakes and the Ebola virus, please don't contact the CDC or for that matter, me, with your concerns. I can't be held responsible for the entire innerwebs and the occasional goofball who keeps their sense of humor in their sock drawer next to those condoms they'll never use. I don't really think all IHOP employees are Al-Qaeda, I have no knowledge of Al-Qaeda and if you happen to be with the FBI, CIA or some other government agency in hopes of catching some kinda "operative" (I learned that word on NCIS.. isn't Tony hawt?) you've come to the wrong place. I don't really know Sly, The Ahhnold or Bill, nor do I know if they have a secret posse. There was no blood shed (that I'm aware of.) I have no intimate knowledge of Stallone's face and I don't really know if he's had Botox, it just seemed funny at the time. I don't have anything against Sly, I'm sure he's a fine human being. If YOU are Sly and my references to Botox and a sausage melting your face upset you, God I'm sorry. I don't want your face to melt. I'm a nice person, really. If you're disturbed ("you" referring to readers, not Sly, I've moved on, you really should try to keep up,) by my grown child calling me "dirty," "ebil" and a "liar" please note that we also occasionally refer to each other as "ho," not to be confused with "whore" which would result in T.A. digesting her own teeth, right after I go all Sly Stallone on her ass. If you're offended by my use of the word "ass," please note that it's in the Bible and therefore allowed.

So there.

Later Taters!


Mamma said...

I cannot wait for the day I can have exchanges like this!!!

I'm all about hazing my children. ;-)

BetteJo said...

I could never have a text enchange like that because a) I'm not that dang clever and funny and b) I don't have a qwerty keypad on my phone and the alphas on the keys are too small for me to read!

BetteJo said...

Oh - and there has to be a brand of genius in that kind of thinking - I'm just not sure what it is. Certainly not generic tho!

Aarin said...

see me and good ol amazon would frequent teh ihop or steak and shake followed usually by a trip to wally world. i miss that youngin of yours if for nothing else than the sudden hurricane caused by her knee in the mini for she has freakishly long legs.