When I left the house this morning, Ma was putting on her walking shoes. A guy from up Fall Branch is supposed to come by with his backhoe to dig up our sewage pipe and replace it, so I guess she plans on going out on the porch to supervise. With all the rain and melting snow (with the gimp eyed weather girl giving predictions of more snow in the next few days) our poopy potty problems have started again. We've not been able to run the dishwasher or clothes washer for days and we have to do some serious calculating to figure out who takes a shower when, in relation to how long it's been since we've flushed the toilet.
Maybe it'll be taken care of this time.
The new puppy, Ayla, has emerged from her timid little shell after being swapped from home to shelter to home to shelter to new home and now can only be described as hell on wheels. She's a great little dog though, is already going to the door when she wants out, is content to stay outside by herself for long periods and is slowly figuring out her "place" in our pack.
Oh and at 3a.m. Tuesday, she gave me a hellacious bloody nose. Let the games begin.
I hate that I have to load her up in the truck and take her back to that place in the morning. The shelter will then turn her over to some guy in a van who'll take her to Big City to be spayed where she'll stay over night. I can pick her back up Friday morning before work and do all the paperwork to make her mine.
Is it pathetic that I'm stressing out over it?
Yesterday was noggin doc day. I've not been since early December and while we went on and on about how great I was doing while I was there, last night when I went to bed, it all hit me. Even though I'm 110% better than I was a year ago.. even 6 months ago, it's hard to admit that there are some issues, some leftover baggage from all that crap that happened so many years ago that I will never completely get over. I'll likely always have to be on some kind of medication.
I'll probably never really be able to trust anyone or have a "normal" relationship and that kinda sucks monkey nuts. The more I think about it, the more it kinda pisses me off.
A year ago, I was afraid of running into my dad. Afraid to the point of bursting out in tears whenever I went grocery shopping or driving by the old family homestead on the way to Big City.
But now?
You just let that son of a biscuit eater get anywhere near me. I'm not sure what I'll do, but I know I won't be curling up in the fetal position in fear. That self serving bastid took a little girl.. his little girl.. and he broke her.. like the horses he so proudly intimidated, the dogs he towered over and ruled, he betrayed her trust, broke her.
Broken. Damaged. Flawed. Me.
If I ever see him again, I won't be afraid. He'll see my anger and all the crocodile tears in the world won't save him.
Yeah it pisses me off. But that's okay. I'm allowed.
Anywho...
I got a call from the Big Headed German the other day. He said Henny Penny was talking about retiring early to care for her disabled brother and her 97 year old mother. After discussing it with the corporate credit manager and the GM, he offered me my old job back in the accounting department. I'd be doing the same job Henny Penny does over at the other plant, but I'd be able to stay here, close to home.
No more Bossman. No more pissed off customers.
Not yes.. but hell yes.
And on that note.. I'm gonna get my big tush to work. Ya'll take care and have a humpilicious Hump Day.
We'll talk again soon.
Later Taters!
5 comments:
Of course you don't wanna take Ayla to that place! I understand completely. But soon it'll all be over and you won't have to worry about being a "grandma" :)
As for your father issues...hugs to you. I understand a lot more than I care to post here. Just trust that you are not alone.
And a big HELL YES for the job change!! It'll do you a world of good, I'm sure!
The old job back!!??? Awesome!!! As for the pooch - she's yours and you don't want to let her out of your sight - understandable.
Now, about the bastid - coming to grips with all that abuse is hard but who ever said progress is easy? No one I know of - I'm just glad that you are working through this - that's a positive thing. Some damage cannot be undone, but the scars can fade. Hugs to you!
Regarding the issues raised at your ND: You are stronger than you think, and I am incredibly proud of you. I can not imagine how hard it was to talk about; I'm so very glad you took that step.
Congratulations on the return to your old job. I hope it comes with a big fat raise, too. Or even a little one. Any raise would just be gravy to escaping Bossman.
Oy, I freak when I have to take my cats to have them fixed. Even though you would think I wouldn't miss one out of so many, I really do. I totally get it.
As for the noggin' doc and the bastid, well, I get that too. I just hope I get to where you are someday. Nate's bastid called his phone and we both freaked and are now refusing to leave the house until daylight. Scared the bejeebus out of us, even though we didn't answer the phone.
Now this is something I will have to discuss with my noggin' doc. Rock on!
Hell yeah! I hope The Big-Headed German gives you a Big-Ass Raise!!! And no more bossman, hallelujah girl. Hallelujah.
You get to escape Bossman? Hell, that's a raise in and of itself! Hooray!!
Everybody's a little bit broken. You're to be congratulated for putting yourself back together.
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