Call the CDC, I Think It's The Hamthrax

Oh this is not good. I feel like poop on a pickle. I didn't get much sleep last night between the red hot poker sticking in my right ear and the many journeys down the hall and back.

That's right, the infectious head? Is now also the infectious.. other end. I'll spare you the goriest details.. this time. Let's just say, I can walk by a saltine cracker and it sets off a gurgling explosion of unpleasant noises and a sudden need for privacy.

So damn sexy. I can hardly stand myself.

*insert eyeroll here*

Oh yeah and the doc said no to calling me something in, but I already knew that would happen. I understand why they don't like to do it, but I was hoping. I just hate to take off work any more, I left early for the noggin doc yesterday and I have an appointment with Doctor Sexy Pants my rheumatologist next week.


Ya'll remember the tiny little waif of a kitten I took home a couple months ago? Well, the little demon on wheels is now 8 months old and is so big, the floor shakes when she lands after leaping from the counter.

She ain't normal ya'll. I think maybe she's got some mountain lion or feckin' black bear in her somewhere.

And eats... my gawd. She acts like she's starving all the time. As mean as she is, you don't DARE deny her food when she demands it. She remembers.. she plans.. I'M SERIOUS. If you peeve her off, she will get her revenge. Take away a toy? Don't turn your back. She will wait 'til you're sleeping and cut you.. in the night.. LIKE A NINJA.. and be gone before you know what hit you.

Evil wears a cat suit. I'm just sayin'.

I think I'm gonna go scrape change from the bottom of my purse for a Pepsi. I can't even think about coffee today.

It's Humpday, let's hump it like we're lookin' at a three day weekend.

Ya'll have a good one, we'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


kenju said...

Flat Coke is better for your ailment. Hope you get better soon.

Maybe that cat has worms?

Anonymous said...

Sounds like maybe the cat needs an exercisiom or something. She is possessed by a demon.

tiff said...

Feel better soon!

tndaisy1960 said...

Oh you poor thing! I had something similar a few weeks ago, took an Immodium, and...let's just worked "too" well. Almost had to put in a call to RotoRooter!

As for your feline terrorist, she just needs a buddy to play with! She's been fixed, after all, so there won't be any little "after effects" running around...

And I know what you mean by the thudding, floor-shaking thing: when Simon leaps off the couch, you *know* it! He weighed 11 lbs back in July, don't have any idea how much the little eating machine has packed on since then. And he just gets his cat food, too, no people food...the dawg gets all that!

Feel better soon *hugs*

Travel said...

If you start oinking . . .


Anonymous said...

B. R. A. T. Diet

Bananas (Potassium)
Rice (Bulk)
Applesauce (Pectin and fiber)
Toast or Tea

Will set you right in a day or so.

BetteJo said...

Poop on a pickle?