A Puppilicious Diva


Lawd ya'll. I don't even know where to start.

The past week at the Asylum was nuts. Bossman was off, as were a number of other people due to a variety of reasons, leaving me, one manager and the GM's secretary there by ourselves most of the time.

If Mr. I-Have-A-Burr-Up-My-Butt-Because-The-World-Owes-Me-Something-So-I'm-Gonna-Be-An-Ass shows up on Monday doing his stomp around, cussin' act... I may very well just tell him what I think.

Back at the trailer, most of my time is spent doing pooper scoopin' and carpet cleaning.

Ozzy is still staying in the house most of the time. Before now, he didn't come in much. Even when he was a puppy and I would try to make him spend the night inside, he'd be okay for an hour or so, then go to the door and cry. He was born outside and had always been outside.. he wanted to be outside.

Now? Ozzy's turned into the biggest damned diva you've ever seen. He lays on his special pallet of blankets beside the couch.. while you're looking. The second I leave for work, fall asleep or go to the bathroom, he stealthily makes his way down the hall and to my bedroom where he deposits a giant, steamy pile of cattle sized poo, then back to his bed where he lays and pretends he's not moved the whole time, his nose usually covered with kitty litter crumbs from his stopping at the cat's box on the way back to snarf up some nutty buddies.

The fact that he can do this, makes it all the more annoying when he lays, eyes drooping and pawing pathetically at his food dish, which is full of food and four inches out of his reach, as he whines with such helpless sadness it would almost make you cry.

He's also learned that when you go to the kitchen, you return with food. Food that he's decided is his. He makes sure you know it's his, because he stares at you and barks the entire time you're in the kitchen.

The sores on his back are almost healed. He'd be about a week away from going back outside at least half days while we're both at work, except the Amazon had to make a sudden trip with him back to the vet last Friday. One of the sores had gotten bigger instead of healing like the rest. It was on his leg joint, where his elbow would be... if dogs had elbows. He had laid on it so much, he'd caused a bedsore and it had popped open.

Yeah.. open. I could see bone. It was nasty. Now, in addition to giving him a sponge bath twice a day for the sores, we have to clean, medicate and re-dress the gaping, gross, gag inducing wound with foul smelling oil every day. We also bandaged his other leg, just in case. He looks like a line backer.

Don't worry, he's on pain medication and antibiotics. He's got plenty of spunk and he gets around pretty good, as long as he doesn't wipe out on the linoleum in the kitchen.

If he'd just stop peeing.

At first we were all, "Oh no.. Ozzy peed. Well.. I'll get the carpet cleaner, it'll be okay. He can't help it.. bless his heart."

Then, after the first week it was, "Do you have to pee? C'mon, let's try to go outside.. where's the leash? Hold on Ozzy.. wait.. oh.. noooooooo. I'll get a towel. Maybe I can run the carpet cleaner tomorrow."

And now? "Ozzy.. are you fixin' to... aaaaaand there he goes." (insert heavy sigh) "Watch your step. Are there any clean towels? Anywhere? Did you buy bleach? Eff it, I'm going to bed."

Yeah.. don't come visit. It's not pretty.

Oh yeah and? I'm still sleeping on the couch because His Highness has discovered the kitchen garbage and the treasures within. When I catch him and turn the light on, he scrambles and falls. All 86 pounds of him. He can't get any traction on the linoleum and when you try to help him up, he gets mad and growls. At least once a night for the past week, I've stood for a half an hour, usually around 1 a.m., straddling his massive, hairless butt, trying to help him get up so that I could go back to sleep on the couch.

Which, by the way, is broken again.

While I bitch and moan, most of ya'll know how I really feel. Carpet can be replaced, the couch can be fixed.. and I love my dog.

Even if he is a giant diva.

Ya'll have a good one. I've got carpets to clean. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!