For Anxiety, Take One Zombie and Call Me in the Morning

It's a good thing I paid attention to the canoe building demonstration the last time we went out to the Occonaluftee reservation. If it rains much more, it may be the only way to get out of town. Both the river that runs down to the holler from Big City and the creek flowing from Fall Branch are swollen in their banks, running hard and muddy brown. If the creek keeps rising, we could end up having to shut down the Asylum for the day. We've had to evacuate in the past when water threatened the only road leading up here.

Everyone's getting cranked up for the Memorial Day shindig in a few weeks. Fliers are up all over town, advertising a giant yard sale, entertainment and Poor Man's Supper fundraisers.

(For ya'll of the nawthun persuasion, a Poor Man's Supper is usually pinto beans, cole slaw and cornbread, garnished with green onions and optional hot sauce or one of many regional variations. A big ol' plate full usually goes for around $3-$5. It's a popular fund raising method among church groups and fire departments.)

Lulu and her Mama have already secured themselves a spot at the yard sale. They love buying and selling everything imaginable from flea markets and estate auctions. I keep telling Lulu she should try selling some of that stuff on eBay, but she won't listen.

In the center of town, work continues on the new Visitor's Center. Labor and materials for the building are being donated. It's kinda cool to see a bunch of menfolk meeting down there after the work day is over, some still in company uniforms, others in their farmeralls and one or two with the sleeves of their crisp, white shirts rolled up, ties tossed aside as they pass hammers and nails amongst themselves.

It's a small town thing.


I'd better get to work. I'm running on very little sleep, I was up half the night in the throws of an anxiety attack.. or something. At one point, it got so bad that I had to ask the Amazon to come sit in the living room with me, hoping her company would ease the fear that was creeping in to my chest.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it kicks my ass.

It didn't hit until I was in bed, almost asleep. I made the mistake of watching something on television last night that stirred up unpleasant childhood memories. I didn't think it had bothered me that much, but I guess when I went to bed and finally reached that "not quite awake-not quite asleep" state, the anxiety caused by the memory saw it's opportunity to sneak out and totally f*ck with my reality.

At least.. I think that's what happened.

Me and the Amazon ended up sitting on the couch, watching Fido, the only zombie movie I'll watch. Because honestly... when you're sitting there freaking out, considering going to the E.R. an hour away, what you really need to make you feel better is a good zombie movie.

Do you know how idiotic I felt, when the Amazon asked what was wrong, to sit there wringing my hands and saying, "I don't know. But I feel like I can't breathe. Just don't leave me," all while fighting total hyperventilation?

So embarrassing.

It.. whatever the hell "it" was... finally eased off around 2 a.m. I didn't chance going back to bed, I slept on the couch with the television on until 6:30.

Did ya'll know that MacGyver comes on ALOT in the wee hours of the night?

I think I'm going to use some of that MacGyver-esque inspiration and see if I can fashion an I.V. out of an empty pen case, a garden hose and some duct tape.. because my morning coffee needs a little help getting into my bloodstream today.

Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


BetteJo said...

Sounds like you had a tough tough start to your day. Hope it got better as it went on. And you know the drill - IT'S ALMOST FRIDAY!!!!

tiff said...

It might be the menopause...I stuggled with anxiety something awful....but you're too young. Best to simply start drinking to ease the pain.

Just don't get pregnant. ;)