Slingblade, Poodles and Pandas

Lawd ya'll. I don't know if it's the time change, allergies or just my usual ailments, but I feel like poop on a poodle (like crap on a cracker.. but not.) It feels sorta like morning sickness, but cha'll can just put any notions of that kind right out of your head.

It's sorta quiet here at the Asylum this morning. PG's off this week, Thelma took the morning off to take her Pop to the doctor and Lulu's got enough to keep her busy for a while. I'm kinda caught up.. depending on how you define "caught up."

Sales are getting a little better every day. I think we bottomed out about a month ago with numbers slowly creeping back up now. Hopefully it'll level off at just enough for me to go back to my full time hours, without getting so busy that they feel the need to call Bubbles back.. especially since I've already gone through her old desk and acquired a wide assortment of high quality office supplies... stuff the rest of us can't seem to get.

Lulu still talks about the spiffy new staple-puller-outie-thingie I found for her. It was her birthday after all.

Tales from the Mall

The other day while me and the Amazon were wandering around, killing time while waiting for my shnazzy new specs, we decided to stop and grab a bite to eat at Panda Express. Normally, I despise the mall food court with the screaming children, loud music and massive crowds but it's been a while since I've had anything "out" that didn't either come from the Grab n' Go (and go and go) or a drive-thru window.

I was happily chowing down gracefully sampling the delicate flavor of my mushroom chicken when I felt something become lodged between my molars. It's not unusual for food to get stuck between one's teeth, but this wasn't a mere tidbit of food. No.. this was a giant wad of something, applying painful pressure to my gums.

The Amazon was merrily chatting away as she looked around, commenting on the people and the little children in the play area, glancing back to face me just in time to catch me tossing my head back, my mouth agape and using a large, black plastic fork as a makeshift toothpick/crowbar, trying in vain to dislodge the ginormous wad of fowl from my teeth.

"No.. NO! Oh My God would you stop," she said slapping at my hand. "Seriously.. I can't take your redneck butt anywhere.."

I tried to explain to her that it was an emergency situation, but she wasn't hearing it. After hours of tooth sucking, public displays of the "I've got something in my teeth and it won't come out" face where your jaw is slightly askew and you get that momentary Slingblade look, I finally excavated the half a damn chicken that was stuck up in there. I had to go marching through the house with it on my finger to show the Amazon to prove that I wasn't exaggerating.

And ya'll wonder why I can't catch me a feller.

Anywho.. I'd better get back to work. Ya'll have a good one. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


Mrs Parks said...

That is my FAVORITE movie. Uh- huh.

craftyhala said...

I love your posts. Them fellars don't know what they're missin'.

kenju said...

Them fellers could do a lot worse!! I have a meat-catcher are, too. Upper left, and it drives me crazy.

BetteJo said...

I'll bet you were rockin' the slingblade look though!