Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Black Belts, Watermelon Smells and Booty Calls

Happy Hump Day Eve!!

I think I just trumped Bubbles on making stupid comments to our customers:

Customer Bob: "Hey, just how did you come up with this freight quote anyway?"

Me: "Ya know.. sometimes we just have to pull things out of our ass."

I really shouldn't be left unsupervised.

Anyhooter, it's cold as crap in the holler this morning and the heat here at the Asylum is on just enough to keep the pipes from freezing.

But I'm not complaining.. no really.. I'd rather work in my coat than spend the day with smelly sweat delicate beads of perspiration trickling down in my butt crack my back.

The Amazon made some awesomtastic pumpkin cheesecake last night, only we didn't have a spring form pan and the bread pan she used only held about a third of the filling, so there's a ginormous bowl of pumpkin cheesecake filling in the fridge.

In other news: Ya'll keep your fingers crossed for me. I think I figured out a way for me to finally get actual office walls. The Hai Karate Super Chop-Chop meeting I went to the other day ended with our being required to bring a project from our area of the plant that we felt could be improved. I presented an in-depth explanation of how the sales team's desks being practically in the hallway was counter productive, with 75% of our job description involving interaction with customers on the telephone. I then pointed out how employees like to scream up and down the hall like they're still working in the tobacco field and how everyone on our management team likes to keep their shiny, new, company provided cell phone ringers turned way up, because being loud in the hallway somehow over compensates for other "issues" in their lives where they feel inadequate.

Okay, I didn't really say that last part, but I wanted to.

I then suggested to the Super Hai Karate Chop-Chop Black Belt Master that he hang out in the extra sales cube that afternoon and just listen and imagine trying to conduct business on the phone while all the hollerin' and ballyhooin' was going on around him.

Which he did.

During which, Bubbles got hold of a pack of watermelon flavored Bubbalicious (I know because the scent of pseudo watermelon hung like a big pink and green cloud over her cube for the entire afternoon) and proceeded to chomp, pop, smack and suck the ever living hell out of it.

Shortly thereafter, the Super Hai Karate Chop-Chop Black Belt Master came by my office, cut his eyes towards Bubbles cubicle, nodded and winked in that Top Secret way that only managers do when you might, possibly, be getting what you asked for.

Or... he had the hots for my bodacious tattas and by not following him down the hall, I missed the opportunity for a Cubicle Asylum booty call... but I'm pretty sure that wasn't it.

Anywho.. I'd better get it in gear and get some work done. Ya'll get ready to hump it, it's almost time!

Later Taters!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

you are my favorite blogger in the whole blogiverse!

Going Comomdo said...

Jesus. Are you stuck in Six Sigma hell?

Mahala said...

Yes.. and I'm certified "yeller." Woo-effin-hoo!

Unknown said...

I'll take the leftovers from the fridge off your hands...

kenju said...

I'm pulling for the cubicle walls - got my fingers crossed for ya'.

A Spot of T said...

Maybe you could get that Cubicle Asylum booty call AND the cubicles??! Never hurts to shoot higher. Dream bigger. You know. But I'm personally hoping for the cubicles for you!

Traci Dolan said...

Whaaaat? And miss Bubbles talking about her crotch rot?

Here's to four solid walls and no cloud of fake watermelon stench.