Maternity Bridal Gowns and Snake Handling Churches

It's a cool cloudy morning here in the holler. The Amazon is gone to Big City with her friends, shopping for a maternity/wedding gown... for the friend, not the Amazon.

At least I hope not.

I've got a cup of coffee, trying to ward off a sinus headache, watching a snake handlin' church documentary on television. They're featuring a group from over in Scary Hillbilly Town, along with some Kentucky and West Virginia churches. I have no idea why in the hell I'm watching it. I'll be feeling slithery things around my feet for the rest of the day.

When I worked as a bank teller over in Scary Hillbilly Town, I used to always get stuck with this girl from one of those churches in my line, 'cuz she liked me. She had jet black hair down to her butt and a serious case of the crazy eye. The kind of crazy eye that made you ponder the variety of DNA in her family tree. She gave me the willies.

Anywho, I'm supposed to be making a trip out to the Big City 'burbs today, but first I'll have to go up to the office and get my paycheck, then stop at the bank. I need to get my nails done.

That's right, for all practical purposes, I've been temporarily cut back to part time, yet I'm still getting hookerlicious, pornstarrific ho-nails every two weeks. When I start to feel guilty, I just remind myself of how much I'd be spending on cigarettes if I hadn't quit.

Nails are way cheaper.

Ya'll enjoy your Monday. We'll talk again soon.

Later Taters!


Anonymous said...

better the nails on your hands than the 'nails in your coffin'


Travel said...

A response to a question during jury selection in a case involving a snake bite, "the snake would not have bit her if she had not had evil in her heart." The responent was promptly excused from jury service.


tiff said...

hookerlicious nails are NECESSARY. Way more so than another pack of smokes.

Good luck in da big city!

Dianne said...

hope you enjoyed the manicure!!

I love the photo.

Rachel said...

Agree w/ tiff. Nails are practically like bras. Ya just look weird without them.

BetteJo said...

One day you just may inspire me to get my nails done!

kenju said...

I need some hookerlicious nails for my reunion in August. I might be persuaded to get acrylic ones again, just for that! Otherwise, they'll look like they usually do. I don't bite them, but I might as well, considering how short they are most of the time, due to breakage.