We'll Need to Move the White House

There are two of us in the sales department, our territories are divided somewhere around the Mason-Dixon line. Bubbles has the South and a few big stocking suppliers, I have the North, Canada and all other foreign countries.. and our one big customer. The standard rule of thumb is "If you can't understand them or they talk funny, just give them to Mahala."

It's Louise's job to operate the switchboard, although she and Thelma share an office and sometimes it becomes a group project. The following conversation was overheard there recently and this is one time that I assure you, I'm not exaggerating nor adding to the exchange at all, this is as it happened:

Louise, on the telephone: "Yes, hold one moment please." She places the caller on hold and begins examining the territory map. "Thelma, whar's Columbia?"

Thelma: "Columbia??? You mean like.. South America or somewhar?"

Louise: "Well, he don't sound like he's from down yonder, but thats wut he said."

Thelma: "I guess give him to Mahala.. but no.. ask him again where he's from, maybe you heard him wrong."

Louise, to the person on the telephone: "Yes.. hello.. kin you tell me whar you're callin' from?... Ok.. hold one moment please." She puts the caller back on hold, then turns to Thelma, "He says he's callin' from the District of Columbia."

Thelma: "Oh.. that's in Canada. Give him to Mahala." In the meantime, Louise is searching all over the territory map looking for the District of Columbia in Canada.

I swear.

I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

It was around this time that I wandered into the room. "The District of Columbia is Washington D.C. ya'll. That's in Bubbles territory."

Thelma: "It iiiiisssssss nooooooot. Why would he say that if he meant Washington D.C.?"

Me: "Because that's what D.C. stands for.. District of Columbia."

Louise: "Now Mahala, even though I can't find it on this map, I know that's in Canada. You're just trying to get out of taking this phone call." She was starting to get angry, "We ain't stupid. I know Washington D.C. ain't in Canada. That wouldn't make no sense."

In the meantime, this poor customer is sitting on hold while the entire office staff debates the location of the District of Columbia. I finally gave in.

Me: "You know what, you're absolutely right. I stand corrected. Just transfer him to my phone and I'll take care of him."

As Louise transfers the call to my cubicle and I turn to leave, I hear Thelma muttering, "I knowed we wuz right. The president don't live in Canada!!"


the gritlet said...

I am so, so, so sorry more Southern women can't be brilliant like me. :)

I would introduce Thelma and Louise to Wikipedia if I were you.

MonkeyDragon said...


oh, I can't breathe!

Tori Lennox said...

ROFL!!! That's worse than the people who think New Mexico isn't part of the United States.

Anonymous said...

We have graduates of the local high school who don't know what mountain range they live in. The Sierra Nevada Range IN CALIFORNIA but some think it is the ROCKIES.

Anonymous said...

Too too funny! I can't stand it! I don't know how to stand to work there, except that you get great stories out of it!

Still laughing!!!! :)


kenju said...

How in the honey-baked hell can you stand to work there day in-day out?

Did either of them go past 4th grade?

Melissa said...

I encounter that kind of stuff daily, but I work with foreign-born people. I don't know what your coworkers' excuse is.

By the way, I thought that Washington D.C. was above the Mason-Dixon line. Shouldn't it be your territory?

Mahala said...

gritlet: I'm sure that if I so much as mentioned Wikipedia to them, they'd think it had something to do with being a Wiccan and I'd get doused in Holy water.

monkeydragon: BREATHE!!!!!!

idgie & kenju: If I didn't work there, all I'd have to write about are my sinus infections and trips to Wal-Mart :)

tori & anon: Ya know, I'm no geography wiz kid, but dang.. Washington DC????

melissa: true, DC is above the Mason-Dixon line, but we only used that as a guide. I actually calculated the number of orders from each state from the previous year to make it all balance out, so although she handles most of the south, she's also got N.J. and Conn... I think lol.

aka_Meritt said...

ROTFL....... shall we inform the President that he now lives in Canada?

Too sad... funny... but sad.

Anonymous said...

Don't ya just love working with rednecks?? I have them here too and I always wonder how they have managed to live this long. LOL...

Marilyn said...

Oh ma Gawd!
That is SO funny!!!
And really, explains so much.