Okay, I'm saying it again. It's too damned hot. There's not a freakin' thing I can do about it other than complain, so ..... there ya go.
There was a miracle in Frog Pond Holler today. During my lunch hour, I stopped at the post office to pick up the mail. As I peeked in the window of our p.o. box, I thought I saw what resembled the white plastic bags my drugs come in.
Could it be??
I nervously worked the dial on the combination lock, trying not to jerk the fool thing off because I'm certain that would be a federal offence of some kind and I'm really not in the mood to go to jail.
I opened the tiny little door and.... HALLI-FREAKIN-LOOOOO-YA!!!! I am now back to my medicated state, my ankles aren't like innertubes and I can just about, almost get my ring off. Well it's about time. I rushed back to work to call the mail order company to try to stop the second order before it goes out. The nice lady said she'd do what she could.
In other news...
As I mentioned in an earlier post, last week was shark week on The Discovery Channel. I may have also mentioned that Craig Ferguson, late night talk show host extroidinaire, has what borders on an unhealthy obsession with the topic. Thank goodness Mel Gibson lost his noodle early in the week and Ferguson had that to talk about in his monologues (and a damned fine job he did by the way.) As the week wore on and Mel's little social faux pas faded, Ferguson's attention turned back to shark week. Now, I have nothing against sharks and I can even understand a fascination with their stealthy moves and the terror they instill in bikini clad beach bunnies the world over. But it seems Craig Ferguson doesn't just really like sharks, he seems to have SERIOUS issues with......
Dolphins.
That's right, the perpetually smiling, back flip performing, Labrador Retrievers of the sea. Okay, I know they're wild animals and I've seen the documentaries about the naughty dolphin mobs who gang up on unsuspecting dolphin victims, performing unwelcome sex acts. But they're still cute and I've never heard ONE story of a dolphin EATING SOMEONES HEAD (but a shark would.)
This really makes me worry about my favorite late night talk show host. He ranted and raved about what bastards they are, using words like "jerk" to describe our little friends of the sea. He's mentioned on more than one occasion that he knows this because he once swam with the dolphins. Now, I have to wonder, just what transpired during this little adventure? I suspect that something went horribly, horribly wrong. Was he accosted in some way? Did Sparky the Wonder dolphin steal his Speedos? During this.. tirade.. he appeared to be suffering from symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, crazed eyes, yelling and waving his fist.
I'm a little worried. Maybe he should stick to dry land from now on.
He also went on to say that jellyfish were cool. Apparently he's never had them wrap their stinging little jelly tentacles around his leg, or suffered the embarrassment of having your hillbilly daddy run up to you on the beach after you've just been stung, working up as much juice as he could then releasing a wave of chunky tobacco spit on your already pained limb.
That shit right there will put you off going to the beach for at least two summers.
He also talked about the shy, gentle Basking sharks which are common along the shores of his native Scotland. I thought... awwww... I bet they're cute little shy things, so I googled them. Big mistake. I've been haunted by nightmares bearing their image ever since. You can see them here. I tried to upload the picture, but the Blogger image upload thingie is having PMS apparently.
Did I happen to mention that "dolphie" was my chatroom name for four or five years?
Smartassed little dolphins... indeed!
*snort*
Ya'll have a good week. And Craig... dude... stay out of the water!!!!
