The office coffee pot.
Back when Bossholio was serving his reign of terror, there wasn't much discussion about the coffee. He liked to make it himself because he was very meticulous about scrubbing out the little basket thingie after each pot and making sure the scoops were full and perfectly level. We were all like.. "whatever.. as long as I don't have to make it."
He kept a secret stash of coffee in a sandwich bag under the cabinet for when we ran out of office coffee. This coffee was HIS stash. The baggy was forbidden to be touched by anyone else. Once, when we had an OSHA guy in the office, Jasper walked him over to the coffee pot just in time to see Bossholio brew just enough to fill his cup. "We're just in time," he said, smiling, to the guy he was trying to impress.
"Oh (insert finger quotes, Bossholio loved him some finger quotes)"WE" are out of coffee. This is from my stash, too bad.. guess it sucks to be you."
Anywho... after Bossholio left, we went back to the regular coffee making rules. If it's before 11 am and you've taken the last cup, put another pot on. When we run out of office coffee, either me or the GM's assistant get moolah from Lulu, keeper of the petty cash and make a run to he dollar store. Normally, this isn't a problem, but recently there have been new developments.
See, a couple of months ago, The Groper had a spat with his Barbie doll BabyMama. There was much brouhaha when we found out. He called Peppermint Patty from his lunch break to ask if she'd bail him out of jail if he got arrested. Apparently he'd been in fisticuffs with Barbie BabyMama's new boyfriend.. in the middle of the highway.
(This is caffine related.. bear with me.)
So anyways, when Barbie BabyMama got tired of her new boy toy, she went back to The Groper and resumed dropping him off after his lunch break, making a big production of leaping from the minivan in her red satin bathrobe, faux fur slippers and toting her scruffy little pervert dog under her arm.
I love dogs, even tiny ones, but I don't like it when they stick their tongue in my mouth. The damn thing once spotted me across an acre field, raced over, lept into my arms and TRIED TO FRENCH KISS ME. It's my stalker dog. It tries to bite through the glass windows of the mini van to have it's way with me when it sees me in the dollar store parking lot.
I ain't lyin'.
About the time The Groper took back up with Barbie BabyMama, he started smoking. Which was weird, seeing how TG is in his fifties and we'd never known him to smoke before. He's a little long in the tooth to be taking up a new habit. He also started consuming large amounts of coffee. We figure, his choice of a much younger significant other is starting to catch up with him and he's needing a little help getting his motor running.
If you know what I mean.
After a while, we started to notice that we were going through ALOT of coffee. This didn't sit well with Lulu. She's none too fond of TG to begin with and concluded that he's drinking up too much coffee. She's taken to counting his trips to the pot, seeing how it's located right outside her door.. which, by the way, is another thorn in her side because she hates coffee and despises the smell.
In the meantime, I was making coffee but never getting any. I'd put a pot on, go back to my desk, work a few minutes then return to an empty pot. I may have bitched about it. I may have gone up the hall, loudly exclaiming to no one in particular,
"Yo Mama don't work here. Somebody up in this hole needs to learn how to make some damn coffee."
I admit, I get a little crabby when I can't get my morning java.
Lulu, after a couple of weeks of counting TG's trips to the coffee pot, stealthily listening to hear if he opens the metal cabinet to use the creamer and determining that he was solely responsible for the sudden doubling of coffee money being doled out by the company, took it upon herself to report these issues to Peppermint Patty. She has since been heard telling anyone who would listen that she didn't think it was right for the company to pay for office coffee unless they were going to supply her with her diet soft drinks.
Now, Peppermint Patty has it in her pretty little paranoid head that someone must be stealing the coffee, no one could drink that much, and is going to start locking it up.
They've all gone effin' nutso. All of them. Come Monday morning, I'm hauling my little four cup maker into the cube (yes, it's still a cube, still waiting for those damned walls) and setting it up. Since it seems everyone has a wedgie up their hoohah over the cost of coffee, the making of the coffee, the maintenence of the coffee pot and, apparently, one particular employee with a giant java monkey on his back, I'll just make my own damned coffee.
Now Lulu will have a pot brewing on either side of her office door. I know she'll be happy.
Ya'll have a good one. It's almost Friday, hang in there.